The Great Fantasy Pirate RTD

[DoctorWarband]

Did nobody notice that BabyJesus updated and not Dan?

[OttoFIN]

Did nobody notice that BabyJesus updated and not Dan?

Yep, but the update was dank so I don't care.

[BabyJesus]

Did nobody notice that BabyJesus updated and not Dan?

dan is muted so he told me to post it

[DoctorWarband]

Did nobody notice that BabyJesus updated and not Dan?

dan is muted so he told me to post it

Oh okay bb

[Dazzer]

Duzzer finds a shotgun and goes kill the fucktards who raped him

[Stark99]

Durin after finally getting unmuted waking up, goes to sell the loot he obtained, while keeping the best armor for himself.

[DoctorWarband]

After making the omelette, Dan Junior x1000000 wakes up and farts such a deadly fart, that that it kills the whole game. 

[The Mighty McLovin]

Glastrom Gnash takes out his sword and beheads the barman, yelling out: "I need more beer!"

[BabyJesus]

Dan turns into a super saiyan and cooks the best shit.

[Dazzer]

Glastrom Gnash takes out his sword and beheads the barman, yelling out: "I need more beer!"

it's not Middle age anymore!

[The Mighty McLovin]

Glastrom Gnash takes out his sword and beheads the barman, yelling out: "I need more beer!"

it's not Middle age anymore!

Does Glastrom Gnash look like he cares?

[Dazzer]

Glastrom Gnash takes out his sword and beheads the barman, yelling out: "I need more beer!"

it's not Middle age anymore!

Does Glastrom Gnash look like he cares?

he should because the barman can call some op security guys and fuck you up with their electric dildos

[The Mighty McLovin]

Glastrom Gnash takes out his sword and beheads the barman, yelling out: "I need more beer!"

it's not Middle age anymore!

Does Glastrom Gnash look like he cares?

he should because the barman can call some op security guys and fuck you up with their electric dildos

Glastrom Gnash would like that.

[BabyJesus]

After making the omelette, Dan Junior x1000000 wakes up and farts such a deadly fart, that that it kills the whole game. 

Dan Junior x1000000 thinks in his heart of hearts that he wants to end the world through a single deadly fart. He prepares to unleash this monster of a fart but before he is able to, disaster strikes; He shits himself. Whilst he cleans himself up, the building exploses again. He is rendered unconscious due to the smell of the shit that is now all over him.
The die hates you. You rolled a 3
 

Dan Cheffington Junior Junior Junior Junior Junior

Name : Dan Cheffington Junior Junior Junior Junior Junior
Bio: The son of the son of the son of the son of the son of Dan Cheffington
Skill: Being Zeus.
Status: Unconscious and covered with shit. You cannot do anything physical for one turn.

[close]

Dan turns into a super saiyan and cooks the best shit.

Dan attempts to turn super saiyan but another explosion occurs at Chefhalla V.2 stops him. In the smoke a figure that looks suspiciously like an anime character appears. It turns out that it is in fact an anime character, and his name is Vegeta. After saying something about something being over 8000(I’m not a pleb), Vegeta starts to beat the shit out of Dan. Suddenly John Chefa appears and saves Dan from the tremendous beatdown. The fans boo because Chefa has been put into another storyline. Dan is seriously injured by the attack.
I heard the die say, “fuck you,” when I rolled it. You rolled a 4.
 

Dan Cheffington

Name (Anything, really, but preferably pirate-y.):Dan Cheffington
Race:Elf cuz they can cook
Bio:Standing at 6'1" and weighing 230lbs, he was a chef for only the finest palates in England and Wales. Then he traveled to Jamaca where he gets high all day, everyday. He is the finest chef in all the lands. It is rumored that his meals are even better when he is high as fuck.
Skill:Can cook and fuck your mom
Status: Limited ability for a turn. 

[close]

Oh my God, this game is hilarious.

Robert checks out the women and thinks if they're above 6 on hotness scale. If they are, Robert says a few sexi cues and buys a hotel room and goes netflix and chill with them. If not, Robert says "Not today, ladies" and goes to check the bar if there's any loot.

Robert is in luck, the chicks are definitely 7s sober but could go higher the drunker he gets. He grabs a few drinks for himself and the ladies and pounds them because you always want to turn a 7 into a 9 if you have the chance. He asks the ladies if they want to “netflix and chill?” They, of course, agree after he is silhouetted against the explosion of Chefhalla V.2 and looks like the baddest man alive(Though not really). Robert bangs the shit out of the women. They definitely will tell their friends that they got to fuck Robert.
A bit of luck. You rolled a 18.
 

Robert McWottinson

Name : Robert McWottinson
Bio: Robert is a kilt wearing dwarf from Scotland. He lived in an orphanage but escaped because their food tasted bad. He then lived on the streets stealing, drinking and attempting to get any woman he could find in his bed. Robert is a bit stupid and loses his temper quickly and usually solves problems with his big fists. Although Robert looks aggressive, inside he has a big heart and wants to settle down some day. One night in Scotland he fell asleep in a bar and the next day he was in the middle of the Caribbean.
Skill: Being strong and Scottish
Status: Banged the fuck out of the women.

Spoiler

[close]

[close]

Jeckson attempts to be hardcore while unconscious by making his eyebrows have that bad boy 'i only want love baby' look

Jeckson is only able to make the “I fuck fifteen year-olds when I’m 19” look. He awakes to some people are happy for him, others are upset, and others couldn’t give two fucks.
Alright. You rolled a 10.

 

Jeckson Duncold

Name :Jeckson Duncold
Bio: His great great great granpapi was a pirate that sailed the seas of some diff. world and he wanted to be just like his granpapi Jackson Dunkeld. He's brown as shit and insists he's italian or smth. This nigga's a lowly 5'8 giant. Made fun of for being a fucking midget. Also gay af
Skill: Good with a sabre. Adept with a pistol
Status: Is waking.

[close]

Duzzer finds a shotgun and goes kill the fucktards who raped him

Duzzer finds a shotgun and goes to kill the fucktards who raped him. He did not account for the fact that many shotguns are not loaded when they are not in use. When he attempts to shoot Ernie, nothing happens. He just beats the shit out of his target with the shotgun. So now there are two bleeding fucktards in the middle of the street with Bert and Oscar on their way to get Duzzer.
Not bad. You rolled a 12.

Duzzer

Name : Duzzer
Bio: Duzzer was named after his son Dazzer
Skill: Can breathe
Race: ARC trooper
Status: Still beat the fuck up.

[close]

Durin after finally getting unmuted waking up, goes to sell the loot he obtained, while keeping the best armor for himself.

Durin collects all his loot and looks for the best pieces. He equips them and goes to the shop to sell the rest. On the way he sees another explosion and wonders “what is happening over there that there have been a shitton of smoke and expolsions and shit.” He successfully sells the excess armor and collects his money.
The die wants to be average for some peeps I see. You rolled an 11.

Durin Ironfist

Name : Durin Ironfist
Bio: Durin is a dwarf from the mountains. He has money. He has a big axe. He knows how to use said axe. He has money. He has gold and shit because he's a dwarf.
Skill: Blacksmith
Status: Getting that money

[close]

[/quote]

Glastrom Gnash takes out his sword and beheads the barman, yelling out: "I need more beer!"

As Glastrom Gnash goes to cut the barman’s head off, explosion V.2 occurs and knocks Glastrom to the ground. Glastrom is unharmed but is now totally sober. Good thing the bar is giving out free bear because of the 2 explosions interrupting happy hour.

Glastrom Gnash

Name: Glastrom Gnash
Race: Dwarf
Bio: He was born in The Bahamas and his father was a big greasy man who hit his wife and abused his son. However, from this, Glastrom Gnash learned to be strong. He had no education and, when he was 16 years old, he ran away with the night with everything that he had (namely a sword, rugged clothes and a picture of his mother). His dad chased him down with a baseball bat bue Glastrom was faster than his dad. He travelled to Port-au-Prince in Haiti, where he joined a pirates crew. He lost his eye in a battle and soon became the right hand man to the Captain of the ship and when the Captain died, he rose to become the leader of a ship. Many years later, when Glastrom was 32 years old, he was defeated in battle with the British and captured. He was tortured, his crew imprisoned and his ship burnt. He managed to escape and ever since, now 34 year old, gets wasted in pubs every night.
Skill: Very strong and loves drinking
Status: Thirsty as fuck

[close]

Pete arrives on New New Providence and begins his search for the iceberg that killed his family. He goes to the bar to meet with the mounted fish who claims to have information about the iceberg. When he is within a stone's-throw, the bar explodes. The mounted fish is unhurt but now won’t talk to Pete unless he can repair the chip in his wooden mount.

Name: Pete "The Merman" Gillian
Race: 74% man, 26% fish.
Bio: Pete was born on a pirate vessel passing by Barbados during a storm, the ship hit an iceberg and sunk. Pete had held his breath for 6 entire days before he was found by the fishpeople residing in the shallow waters near the Windward islands. Instead of eating him like they did to most people, they raised him as one of their own and taught him how to grow gills and speak fishspeak. When Pete found out he was adopted he swam away from home and began a new life as a pirate. To this day, he is still looking for the iceberg that killed his family.
Skill: Breathing underwater and communication with fishes.

[Windflower]

Oolong decides he's been unconscious for long enough and wakes up.