Let me tell you something girls. I have had it, that's right, HAD IT, with these boring melee tier lists that make me want to fucking vomit. Recently, I have been seeking absolution for my crimes against humanity, and in this search my calling was finally discovered. What is this calling? It is to establish the final tier list to end ALL tier lists. No bullshit, no compromises (except my own of course xdddd), and once again no fucked up wacko shit. I consulted dozens of the previous lists, looked through my 7+ years worth of screenshots, and entered a deep state of meditation into order to put this useless debate into the grave. Considering that many of the players listed below have not played in years, as well as the meta having evolved over time, it was difficult to gauge the rankings, so expect many issues. Since this game is about to get fucking pummeled to death at last, I will now offer my totally unbiased and well-adjusted opinion on so many players that I can't even remember if some of them actually ever existed. Most likely missed a lot of you and criteria is virtually non existent but too much time has already been spent so FUCK IT.
To help my increasingly deteriorating mental state, I have employed the services of the Pineapple Express strain of cannabis and copious amounts of White Claw coupled with cherry Dr Pepper.
Each tier will have its group of players, though the players themselves will be in no particular order respectively. The data I have gathered is simply too much to withstand alone. You will almost certainly disagree with everything in this list, and that's ok because I do too.
TIER 1
"The Chads"
Spoiler
AsianP
Zorkoth
BillTheButcher
Jackie Chan
Mang
Havoc
RussianFury
Emo Celestia
Blade
MATT
Runepkyz
Ap0c
Pinoy
Fireboy
PJ
RitZ
Maple
Steven (63e)
Coconut
Godfried
Vortex
Dj Overjoy
Tico
KovyJack
Tammo
Achilles
Yoshie
Leroy
Krastinov
Ghost
Rafael
Swerp
Colonys
Mathias
Saltyy
Redrum
KOSJ
Zzehth
Alexander
Sven
Mitchell
Skinny
Anthony
GLman
Puppytron
DarthJezus
Chev
KillKan
Cade
Who-
PointBlank
GTAMan
TIER 2
"The Brads"
Spoiler
Ghostrider
Dante
Reeves
Koolaids
Silentman
Voodoo
Fancypants
Crazylegs
Wastee
John Sanders
Monty
Maniac
NickCole
Pancakessjr
VetroG
Fartknocker
Padre Suns
Killershark
MackCW
Professor
Hellomoto
Doc Holliday
ToxicFormat
MockingJay
Fallout
Ramelon
Jaax
Rex
Zappy (EU but he counts to me)
Sleek
Taehyun
Lithios
Xeroth
Cwater
5hine
Epix
Ramsey
Bladehawk
SirSpacey
Dutch
Antonio
Pepsi
Scopes
Breaches
Bick
Sharing
Polar
Ritz407
Blood
Ogrelord
Lice
BonJ
Dragonpuff
ZachAttack
Maccle
Yoloswag
Min (you have to be fucking joking LMAO)
Eastern Fox
Angel
Socrates
Theodin
Wall
Oatmeal
Squirts
Thundersnow
Presley
Amiranger
Grimsight
Moose
North
Horse
CsDerp
Pedro
Tizoc
Armada
Darkenmal
Serpenta
Gambit
Stoach
Ramzey
Griffith
Lurvy
Babyj
Fox
Knuckles
Glenn
Spade
Boomdigity
Mushroom
Lawbringer
Hawkince
Personality
Rogelio
Sexypizza
Dodge
Bishop
Boob
Marksman
Irish (I count for the NANWL success)
Jorge
Shinto
Dukers
JayPea
Janissary
Millander
CrumBum
Thom
Gavin
Redwall
Montoya
German Gunner
Lissa
The Kid from 45e
Mexicant
DomWorstNW13
PurplePanda
Roggeh
JacobT
Tmix
Varatoss
RedViper
DeadGeneral
Mattboi
Vicious (TRACKPAD)
Jaykro
Dane
Windlife
Walter
Dyre
Ryner
Kurskov
TIER 3
"The kids that formed a Bionicles club in Middle School but were still cool anyways"
Spoiler
Rever
Bunsley
Soap/Delicay
Cheeseypants
EmergingYeti
Ematopia
Bees Knees
Relux
Nevino
IB
Santana
Firez
Tacoman
Davos
SilentSniper
Sails
Goomba
Murderer
Creed
Wolfe
Aratrex
Ironstaunch
JollyCanadian
Death
Prozn856
LiquidSkorpion
Grimz
Andee
Sharpshooter
Wherner
Vinago
Clifton
Piktons
Phil
Superbad
Unitater
Aurumn
Spartan
Yubby
Carson
Supreme
Risk
Chantakey
Lionblade
Deadeye
Ody
SaintG
Exodus
PapaJohns
Chibbs
Strategist
Chantakey
Guapo
Zen
Heth
Karmavore
Operus
Doxy
Thompson
Owain
Stox
JDF
Fritz
Spiers
Evan
MadMox
Kory
Swift
Beanbean
Sandarian
Pooba
Pickle and Bondage (only together else they are poopoo)
DrByeBye
Vader
Vlad
Label
Windflower
Jakester
Rubes
Tempchar
Meltzer
Daniel the Chef
Bob (that one dude from the 63e)
Novapoison
Stryker
Tanner
Lips
Dio
James
Crafty
William
Baller
JimJeffries
Ponteismo
Midnight
Caribou
Offizer (Why the fuck not)
Thornor
Chemiespook
Xristo
Aaron
Element
Asuna
BulletCow
Luke
Curtis
Wardop
Stacker
Timeturner
GuiltyBishop
Slovakhiin
JihadiJay
Toucan
Mattbob
Deeshy
Jetch
Orcaryo
Pinkerton
Cosmos
Ragnar
Classydots
Siwi
Marceaux
Nappy
TIER 4
"Those poor saps who always sat at the corner of the cafeteria that are now married with three kids, overweight, make a low 4 figure salary, live in a 1600 sq foot home, deal with aging parents and yet have remained good at heart"
Spoiler
Brahms
Victor
Bakon
KingofAces
Korjack
Naens
Grey
Pyrivium
Mitchygitchy
Crocodile
Candee
Yooper
Wearhound
Nathan
Balthazaar
Wiki
Matlord
Schroeder
Predurrdurr
Father Vetro
EpicYoshi
Gluk
Godrod
Quake
Kristine
Badger
Spoonz
Spearman
Lawliet
Slif
Gandalf
Pizzaman4343
Dovah
GlacialGriffin
Rebel
Bahakawits
Cake
Connor
Karth
Punisher
Higgins
Portals
Daemon
Moraine
Bryce
Viper
Sleepy (Honorary 45e Inductee)
Peter
Whalefish
Titanium
Bauer
Ninjamain
Hundar
Pugglesworth
Tajima
Storey
Audiate
Duuze
Lonewolf
Hunteh
Becker
Macdonald
Praetorian
Kudelsky
Montfort
Kazz
Padre Vetro
Scottish
WOLFnPACK
Artista (he counts too)
Movement
Nico
Cytiuz
Ghostpig
GokuTheKiller
Amelia McKay
TIER 5
"The guys who still hang around their hometown, wear their high school ring, and rant about how they could have won state if the coach called play action"
Spoiler
Levy
Baptiste
Diplex
Babyg
Levy again
Mehstery
SirRoyalBeef
Twitchy
WORK IN PROGRESS!
Me and Glenn in the same tier, O.K zoomer
Spoiler
Glenn deserves tier 1 obviously kappa
I looked through a few more rosters for the retirement home, consulted Waste and Irish, and was finally convinced to move Vetro up to tier 3! The other 5 versions of him stay in tier 4 though.
ADDED:
Spoiler
Clifton
CrumBum
Bees Knees
EpicYoshi
Punisher
Darkenmal
Daemon
Baller
Meltzer
Bishop
Slif
Dovah
SaintG
Kazz
Redwall
Badger
Marksman
Firez
Tacoman
Pyrivium
Mitchygitchy
Rebel
Lonewolf
Lissa
Wherner
Mattboi
Mattbob
Gandalf
Silentman
Siwi
Operus
Vicious
IB
Nevino
Exodus
Prozn856
Yoloswag
Supreme
Knuckles
Death
Babyg
Yooper
Jaykro
Wearhound
Cake
Tempchar
Aigar
Epix
Ramsey
Sails
SilentSniper
Bladehawk
SirSpacey
Creed
ClassyDots
Higgins
Hundar
Pugglesworth
Fearbaron
SirRoyalBeef
Tajima
Crafty
Sexypizza
Grimz
Aaron
Nathan
WOLFnPACK
Balthazaar
Personality
Slovahkiin
Alright, this is probably the last major update. I've scoured almost every roster that was publicly available, looked over hundreds of screenshots, and asked every fossil willing in order to gather as much information as possible. My memory, while a bit faulty, usually triggers when I hear the name, so if you have anyone else feel free.
THE MEN
Spoiler
Sharpshooter (12th)
Naens (12th)
Spiers (12th)
ghostrider7811 (USMC)
Doc Holiday (USMC)
King of Aces (USMC, 6te)
GuiltyBishop (USMC)
Pizzaman4343 (USMC)
Davos (30th)
Lawliet (30th)
Bahakawits (30th)
Crocodile (LG)
Green (LG)
Quake (LG)
Roggeh (LG)
Thornor (63e)
JacobT (63e)
Dodge (23rd, 63e)
Tmix (54th)
Vinago (54th)
Aratrex (58e)
Dukers (3DM)
Korjack (3DM)
Wardop (1aSvea)
Xristo (45e)
DeadGeneral (45e)
Murderer (45e)
Asuna (45e)
Nushroom (32e)
Karmavore (Moskov)
Varatoss (PSG)
Chibbs (PSG)
German Gunner (LIR)
EmergingYeti (3e)
Ematopia (3e)
RedViper (Various)
Goomba (Various)
Dane (Various)
Guapo (Various)
Rever (Various)
Windlife (Various)
Godrod (Various)
Grey (Various)
Deeshy (Various)
Walter (Various)
Relux (Various)
Dyre (Various)
Connor (Various)
Stacker (Various)
Ryner (Various)
Evan (Various)
Brahms (Various)
Kurskov (Various)
Element (Various)
Matlord (Various)
Spoonz (Various)
Gavin (Various)
Mehstery (;D)