(https://www.fsegames.eu/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Forig08.deviantart.net%2F9eff%2Ff%2F2010%2F318%2F3%2Fe%2Fhappy_pirate_cook_by_nighzmarquls-d32vs3p.png&hash=13ee2529a01de757350525eaaccc1ec8c8ae7bb7)
What the fuck is this?
This is gonna be a HIGH FANTASY Pirate game! Of course this will be not be in the Caribbean but in a fantasy world that looks just like the Caribbean with the exact same places.
When you make an action Imma use a d20 to see how it turns out. So if I roll a 20 it's going to be incredibly good for you and if I roll a 1 you are shit out of luck. Combat is going to take place the same way. If you roll a 10 and the other guy rolls a 9, your going to have a slight advantage.
I'm going to have a schedule for when I upload the updates. Probably going to be Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. This is subject to change. Starting on
March 16th.NOTE: Probably not everyone is going to start in the same city or maybe everyone will because I'm lazy. We'll see. And good and evil don't matter too much but if you really want to role play throw that into your description and I'll work it into the story somehow. You'll probably drown a kitten or something. You asshole.
Character SheetSpoiler
[b]Name [/b]:
[b]Bio[/b]:
[b]Skill[/b]:
Spoiler
Name (Anything, really, but preferably pirate-y.)
Race (Now, there's a few races you need to know, but I'll get to that later. They decide what random race skill you get at the beginning.)
Bio (Here you can just any background to your character to give them a bit more personality. They can be as ridiculous as you want. I'll pretty much decide everything from here so be as detailed as you want.)
Skill (Pick a non-combat skill that your character can use.)
Spoiler
Here's some of the races you can choose. If you want you can be whatever you want. I just need to know what the fuck it is:
*Human: Exactly what you think it is. Very mundane, can learn magic, and are vanilla as fuck.
*Dwarf: Big, burly, tanky motherfuckers who are really bad at magic and dumb as fuck but fantastic at fighting and drinking. The upside however is that due to their friendship with gnomes they got that hookup with advanced weapons and shit.
*Gnome: Small, quick, and fragile. Buddies with the dwarves, they are smart as fuck but super fragile. Can a have a beverage or too. Not too bad at cooking either.
*High Elf: Terrible with all weapons save a few because their weak as fuck, but start off with basic knowledge spells. They're evil because fuck you. Can cook some mean grub. Both literally and metaphorically.
*Goblin: These small fuckers are hated and misunderstood, Goblins are actually skilled traders. But they're also evil.
Spoiler
(https://www.fsegames.eu/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Flizardpoint.com%2Fgeography%2Fimages%2Fmaps%2F748x507xcarib-caps-labeled.gif.pagespeed.ic.1pIQ-o-BdL.png&hash=10281ce6cffb9fd047f9a1b8ee5cbc093f507e27)
My character
(https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/71/0b/43/710b435a559de604a05108d582c0c3f8.jpg)
Bio: Robert is a kilt wearing dwarf from Scotland. He lived in an orphanage but escaped because their food tasted bad. He then lived on the streets stealing, drinking and attempting to get any woman he could find in his bed. Robert is a bit stupid and loses his temper quickly and usually solves problems with his big fists. Although Robert looks aggressive, inside he has a big heart and wants to settle down some day. One night in Scotland he fell asleep in a bar and the next day he was in the middle of the Caribbean.
Skill: Being strong and Scottish
robert
(https://i.imgur.com/IDc0K6S.jpg)
Spoiler
(https://www.fsegames.eu/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg08.deviantart.net%2F2dde%2Fi%2F2015%2F015%2Fa%2F0%2Fbear_warrior_by_rob_joseph-d8e11db.jpg&hash=a60b7672421b7e741912b8595df12be74894623b)
Name: Oolong the Champion
Race: Ursine
Bio: Oolong is an Ursine, born and raised in the thick of the Canadian evergreen forests. He is a huge fucking 10ft tall grizzly bear. He is a very territorial and he has a low tolerance for other races. His family was slaughtered at a young age by a group of Humans and Elves. He grew up despising their creations and their race.
Skill: Strong, Intimidating, Combat ready.
You should use this for available races
Spoiler
(https://i.warosu.org/data/tg/img/0357/56/1414390154758.jpg)
(https://i.imgur.com/phyfxSv.jpg)
The year is 2216. The world's governments have united to form the World Government. Soon after these contacts, multiple wars between humans and neighboring civilization, the Cumgushers, broke out over materials in the Dave solar system(Formerly HD 10180). These wars ended inconclusively. Major effects remain from these conflicts. Massive amounts of interstellar refugees have fled to the Human home world of Earth.
A dropship, containing our heroes, is arriving from the HMS Elizabeth, a Bornhold-class heavy cruiser. The HMS Elizabeth was named after Her Majesty, the Queen of the Earthen Empire, who is turning old as fuck in the year 2216. The HMS Elizabeth was tasked with When this dropship touches down, you fuckers will makes your destiny. Choose because you will most likely die a violent death. If you choose poorly it will be pretty shitty but if you heed my advice I will make it quite decent. *Landing in 5 seconds* Okay, you have the whole of New New Providence to explore. Now make your destiny and become the best whatever-the-fuck-you-want-to-be!
Dan Junior goes insane and kills everyone in his horizon.
Dan Cheffington Junior Junior Junior Junior Junior arrives on the planet and immediately attempts to destroy the world. He trips and falls on the giant ass lightening bolt that he was making to end the universe. Dan Junior falls into a comatose state due to the huge ass lightening bold wounding him. Though his body is not able to express the wishes of his mind, Dan continues to dream of the day that he will be able to kill everyone in the world.
You have shit luck fam. Rolled a 2.
Dan Cheffington Junior Junior Junior Junior Junior
Name : Dan Cheffington Junior Junior Junior Junior Junior
Bio: The son of the son of the son of the son of the son of Dan Cheffington
Skill: Being Zeus.
Status: In a coma. Can't do anything physical for one update.
Dan goes to the store to buy a cook book. He then goes and finds a place to be employed.
As soon as Dan Cheffington steps off the drop ship, he is assaulted by a 14 muggers. He loses all his money and is badly injured in the attack. Thankfully a good Samaritan comes to the aid of Dan and helps him with his wounds. This turns out to be a ruse when the good Samaritan turns out to be mugger 15th. Dan has nothing more to give so the 15th mugger just boots Dan in the face and leaves him in his own blood. While Dan is not going to die, he is seriously injured.
Shit luck for you too fam. You rolled a 3.
Dan Cheffington
Name (Anything, really, but preferably pirate-y.):Dan Cheffington
Race:Elf cuz they can cook
Bio:Standing at 6'1" and weighing 230lbs, he was a chef for only the finest palates in England and Wales. Then he traveled to Jamaca where he gets high all day, everyday. He is the finest chef in all the lands. It is rumored that his meals are even better when he is high as fuck.
Skill:Can cook and fuck your mom
Status: Literally almost dead. You have limited abilities for the next update.
IT'S NIGHT.----- arc trooper yells at the trash can and goes to sleep
Duzzer goes to sleep in the trash can. Whilst he is asleep, Duzzer is robbed of almost all his money. When Duzzer awakes from his nap, he also discovers a note from the 15th mugger who was again later to the party. The note reads:
Dear Retard,
Fuck you and have more stuff.
Love,
The 15th Mugger. xoxo
Duzzer now has limited funds and his can smells of piss.
You also have shitty luck fam. You rolled a 4.
Duzzer
Name : Duzzer
Bio: Duzzer was named after his son Dazzer
Skill: Can breathe
Race: ARC trooper
Status: Smells of piss.
Oolong the Champion roars a mighty roar, directed at everyone in the cruise ship.
Oolong roars his mighty roar and is told promptly to shut up by a street vendor who looks a lot like Betty White. Being the racist that he is, Oolong charges at the Street Vendor who looks a lot like Betty White. However due to everyone's shitty luck, Oolong falls on his face and is laughed at by a lot little children. Oolong runs fair away from the dropship port and into the city to avoid further embarrassment.
Okay so I think the dice are rigged because I rolled another 4.
Oolong the Champion
Name: Oolong the Champion
Race: Ursine
Bio: Oolong is an Ursine, born and raised in the thick of the Canadian evergreen forests. He is a huge fucking 10ft tall grizzly bear. He is a very territorial and he has a low tolerance for other races. His family was slaughtered at a young age by a group of Humans and Elves. He grew up despising their creations and their race.
Skill: Strong, Intimidating, Combat ready.
Status: Embarrassed
Robert takes a look outside and scratches his balls.
Robert yawns and successfully scratches his balls. He catches the eye of a Twi'leks and thinks to himself that one day, if he trains hard enough, that he may make it to the Olympics in 50kg Ballscratching.
You rolled a 13 you lucky motherfucker.
Robert McWottinson
Name : Robert McWottinson
Bio: Robert is a kilt wearing dwarf from Scotland. He lived in an orphanage but escaped because their food tasted bad. He then lived on the streets stealing, drinking and attempting to get any woman he could find in his bed. Robert is a bit stupid and loses his temper quickly and usually solves problems with his big fists. Although Robert looks aggressive, inside he has a big heart and wants to settle down some day. One night in Scotland he fell asleep in a bar and the next day he was in the middle of the Caribbean.
Skill: Being strong and Scottish
Status: Confident
Spoiler
(https://i.imgur.com/IDc0K6S.jpg)
Glastrom goes to the nearest pub.
Glastrom heads off to the pub across the street. There he orders a pint of their best ale and chugs it almost immediately. He spots a lovely dwarven woman by her lonesome but then hears the greatest sound in the world, a bell ringing. This means that 5 more rounds are in order, everyone's getting free drinks.
Rolling a 17 isn't too bad.
Glastrom Gnash
Name: Glastrom Gnash
Race: Dwarf
Bio: He was born in The Bahamas and his father was a big greasy man who hit his wife and abused his son. However, from this, Glastrom Gnash learned to be strong. He had no education and, when he was 16 years old, he ran away with the night with everything that he had (namely a sword, rugged clothes and a picture of his mother). His dad chased him down with a baseball bat bue Glastrom was faster than his dad. He travelled to Port-au-Prince in Haiti, where he joined a pirates crew. He lost his eye in a battle and soon became the right hand man to the Captain of the ship and when the Captain died, he rose to become the leader of a ship. Many years later, when Glastrom was 32 years old, he was defeated in battle with the British and captured. He was tortured, his crew imprisoned and his ship burnt. He managed to escape and ever since, now 34 year old, gets wasted in pubs every night.
Skill: Very strong and loves drinking
Status: He's starting to quench his thirst.
Durin goes to sleep
Durin finds a lovely spot for a nap. When he awakes, he finds that 14 muggers are dead around him and his axe is moistened with blood. He appears to have killed these poor defenseless men in his sleep. Oh well. Their loot is his now.
Rolling an 18 isn't too bad.
Durin Ironfist
Name : Durin Ironfist
Bio: Durin is a dwarf from the mountains. He has money. He has a big axe. He knows how to use said axe. He has money. He has gold and shit because he's a dwarf.
Skill: Blacksmith
Status: Getting that money and looking for those hoes
Dan Junior wakes up and kills the GM.
Dan Junior Junior Junior Junior Junior dreams that he kills the GM. He still looks like a retarded child on the outside though because he rolled a 1 and has shit luck so he'll be in a coma for a while aka 1 more turn.
You have shit luck fam. You rolled a 1.
Dan Cheffington Junior Junior Junior Junior Junior
Name : Dan Cheffington Junior Junior Junior Junior Junior
Bio: The son of the son of the son of the son of the son of Dan Cheffington
Skill: Being Zeus.
Status: In a coma. Can't do anything physical for one update.
Dan is determined to become a chef. He continues to go to the nearest tavern,crawling if he must and attempts to get a job.
Fucking Chefiden comes down from Chefhalla and heals Dan of his lameness. Giving Dan a Holy Spatula and a pat on the head, Chefiden goes skipping down the sidewalk yelling, "Chefhalla V.2 is open for business and Dan Cheffington is now the Executive Chef. Now located in the bar on the new second floor." And with that the fucking bar explodes and from the smoke emerges a two story building.
What is luck? You rolled a 20.
Dan Cheffington
Name (Anything, really, but preferably pirate-y.):Dan Cheffington
Race:Elf cuz they can cook
Bio:Standing at 6'1" and weighing 230lbs, he was a chef for only the finest palates in England and Wales. Then he traveled to Jamaca where he gets high all day, everyday. He is the finest chef in all the lands. It is rumored that his meals are even better when he is high as fuck.
Skill:Can cook and fuck your mom
Status: He's alright.
Duzzer asks to borrow some money from some random guys and he makes them sure he will pay the debt later
Duzzer asks for change from the passersby. As soon as the first bit of change enters his begging pot, Bert, Ernie, and Oscar the Grouch come walking down the sidewalk. As soon as Oscar sees that his can is occupied by another person, He goes fucking mental and starts beating the shit out of Duzzer. Bert and Ernie come to the aid of Oscar and help him to beat Duzzer. Duzzer is left in a heap on the sidewalk as Oscar takes his garbage can and leaves with Bert and Ernie. The group disappears in the distance into the smoke from the explosion at the bar.
Soz fam you rolled a 3.
Duzzer
Name : Duzzer
Bio: Duzzer was named after his son Dazzer
Skill: Can breathe
Race: ARC trooper
Status: Beat the fuck up.
Oolong heads to the bar in the city, hoping to drown away his past embarrassments and perhaps redeem himself by picking a fight with a petty race.
Turning around, Oolong heads to the bar to try to beat the shit out of little creatures. Oolong picks up a little squirrel in an attempt to get a little cred back. However as soon as Oolong attempts to kill the squirrel, the bar explodes and makes Oolong drop the squirrel. A positive of the explosion was that he landed on and killed Mr. Snuffleupagus' cousin.
You rolled an 8 so not too bad.
Oolong the Champion
Name: Oolong the Champion
Race: Ursine
Bio: Oolong is an Ursine, born and raised in the thick of the Canadian evergreen forests. He is a huge fucking 10ft tall grizzly bear. He is a very territorial and he has a low tolerance for other races. His family was slaughtered at a young age by a group of Humans and Elves. He grew up despising their creations and their race.
Skill: Strong, Intimidating, Combat ready.
Status: Got some cred
Robert goes to the bar too and gets a drink or two.
Robert heads to the bar to grab a few bevs. Robert enters the bar and gets a few beers on the house because some idiot rang the bell and gave everyone a few drinks on him. Suddenly the fucking bar explodes. As everyone regains their senses, Robert notices that he was cut a few times by the bottles in the bar and may require some medical attention. When he looks up, he sees Chefiden standing in the middle of the bar proclaiming the opening of Chefhalla V.2 upstairs.
Robert McWottinson
Name : Robert McWottinson
Bio: Robert is a kilt wearing dwarf from Scotland. He lived in an orphanage but escaped because their food tasted bad. He then lived on the streets stealing, drinking and attempting to get any woman he could find in his bed. Robert is a bit stupid and loses his temper quickly and usually solves problems with his big fists. Although Robert looks aggressive, inside he has a big heart and wants to settle down some day. One night in Scotland he fell asleep in a bar and the next day he was in the middle of the Caribbean.
Skill: Being strong and Scottish
Status: Cut up a bit
Spoiler
(https://i.imgur.com/IDc0K6S.jpg)
Jeckson wakes up in a pool of piss and shit. He gets up and looks for the local bar
Jeckson wakes up and heads to the bar for drink. Turning the corner in front of the bar, he sees a big fucking bear attempting to kill a squirrel. He ignores this because he only likes the Human dick and continues into the bar. As soon as he enters the bar, the bar explodes causing Jeckson to knock into Mr. Snuffleupagus' cousin who then falls under Oolong who accidentally kills him. Jeckson is relatively unscathed.
You rolled a 7 so not too bad.
Jeckson Duncold
Name :Jeckson Duncold
Bio: His great great great granpapi was a pirate that sailed the seas of some diff. world and he wanted to be just like his granpapi Jackson Dunkeld. He's brown as shit and insists he's italian or smth. This nigga's a lowly 5'8 giant. Made fun of for being a fucking midget. Also gay af
Skill: Good with a sabre. Adept with a pistol
Status:
Dan cooks while unconscious.
Whilst Dan Junior Junior Junior Junior Junior is unconscious his limbs begin to move. Due to his years and years and years of cheffery and the fact that he is in-fact Zeus, Dan is able to make an omelette. During this process however, Chefades from Chefades comes to greet his brother. As a result the square in front of the Chefhalla V.2 blows up. Dan is unharmed and wakes up due to the blast.
Not too bad. You rolled an 8
Dan Cheffington Junior Junior Junior Junior Junior
Name : Dan Cheffington Junior Junior Junior Junior Junior
Bio: The son of the son of the son of the son of the son of Dan Cheffington
Skill: Being Zeus.
Status: Awake
Dan cooks some food while fucking the gms mom.
Dan begins to start to make the lovely dishes that Chefhalla V.2 will be serving. Plates full of Creme Brulee and Panna cotta and other colorful dishes begin to come out of the kitchen. Suddenly Chefiden comes and drops out the GM's mom at the restaurant and tells Dan the he should fuck her. Not wanting to disappoint his boss, Dan get's to work and finishes quickly because he's a bitch. Dan becomes a Saiyan because why not.
Almost. You rolled a 19.
Dan Cheffington
Name (Anything, really, but preferably pirate-y.):Dan Cheffington
Race:Elf cuz they can cook
Bio:Standing at 6'1" and weighing 230lbs, he was a chef for only the finest palates in England and Wales. Then he traveled to Jamaca where he gets high all day, everyday. He is the finest chef in all the lands. It is rumored that his meals are even better when he is high as fuck.
Skill:Can cook and fuck your mom
Status: Saiyan
Robert is a bit sad that he didn't get his beer. He sees the small cuts on him and takes off his shirt, revealing his sexi body and makes some bandages out of it.
Robert takes off his shirt and sexually assaults all the females in the square with his nipples. He rips his shirt into strips and bandages himself. Three women come up to Robert and offer him to buy him a few drinks then netflix and chill.
Luck is d. You rolled a 15
Robert McWottinson
Name : Robert McWottinson
Bio: Robert is a kilt wearing dwarf from Scotland. He lived in an orphanage but escaped because their food tasted bad. He then lived on the streets stealing, drinking and attempting to get any woman he could find in his bed. Robert is a bit stupid and loses his temper quickly and usually solves problems with his big fists. Although Robert looks aggressive, inside he has a big heart and wants to settle down some day. One night in Scotland he fell asleep in a bar and the next day he was in the middle of the Caribbean.
Skill: Being strong and Scottish
Status: Gonna bang?
Spoiler
(https://i.imgur.com/IDc0K6S.jpg)
Oolong, being the boss nigga he is, looks down at Jackson, and attempts to spit right on that motherfuckers face.
Jeckson, being the badasser fuck that he is, catches the spit with his fingers and shoves it right down Oolong's throat.
Oolong goes to spit at Jeckson but he begins to choke on his saliva. Jeckson notices this and goes to kick the shit out of Oolong because he was gonna spit at him. However tragedy strikes; Jeckson trips over Mr. Snuffleupagus's Cousin who is still dead. Jeckson headbutts Oolong and both of them fall unconscious.
You both have shit luck. Oolong roles a 2 and Jeckson rolls a 2.
Oolong the Champion
Name: Oolong the Champion
Race: Ursine
Bio: Oolong is an Ursine, born and raised in the thick of the Canadian evergreen forests. He is a huge fucking 10ft tall grizzly bear. He is a very territorial and he has a low tolerance for other races. His family was slaughtered at a young age by a group of Humans and Elves. He grew up despising their creations and their race.
Skill: Strong, Intimidating, Combat ready.
Status: unconscious
Jeckson Duncold
Name :Jeckson Duncold
Bio: His great great great granpapi was a pirate that sailed the seas of some diff. world and he wanted to be just like his granpapi Jackson Dunkeld. He's brown as shit and insists he's italian or smth. This nigga's a lowly 5'8 giant. Made fun of for being a fucking midget. Also gay af
Skill: Good with a sabre. Adept with a pistol
Status: unconscious
After making the omelette, Dan Junior x1000000 wakes up and farts such a deadly fart, that that it kills the whole game.
Dan Junior x1000000 thinks in his heart of hearts that he wants to end the world through a single deadly fart. He prepares to unleash this monster of a fart but before he is able to, disaster strikes; He shits himself. Whilst he cleans himself up, the building exploses again. He is rendered unconscious due to the smell of the shit that is now all over him.
The die hates you. You rolled a 3
Dan Cheffington Junior Junior Junior Junior Junior
Name : Dan Cheffington Junior Junior Junior Junior Junior
Bio: The son of the son of the son of the son of the son of Dan Cheffington
Skill: Being Zeus.
Status: Unconscious and covered with shit. You cannot do anything physical for one turn.
Dan turns into a super saiyan and cooks the best shit.
Dan attempts to turn super saiyan but another explosion occurs at Chefhalla V.2 stops him. In the smoke a figure that looks suspiciously like an anime character appears. It turns out that it is in fact an anime character, and his name is Vegeta. After saying something about something being over 8000(I’m not a pleb), Vegeta starts to beat the shit out of Dan. Suddenly John Chefa appears and saves Dan from the tremendous beatdown. The fans boo because Chefa has been put into another storyline. Dan is seriously injured by the attack.
I heard the die say, “fuck you,” when I rolled it. You rolled a 4.
Dan Cheffington
Name (Anything, really, but preferably pirate-y.):Dan Cheffington
Race:Elf cuz they can cook
Bio:Standing at 6'1" and weighing 230lbs, he was a chef for only the finest palates in England and Wales. Then he traveled to Jamaca where he gets high all day, everyday. He is the finest chef in all the lands. It is rumored that his meals are even better when he is high as fuck.
Skill:Can cook and fuck your mom
Status: Limited ability for a turn.
Oh my God, this game is hilarious.
Robert checks out the women and thinks if they're above 6 on hotness scale. If they are, Robert says a few sexi cues and buys a hotel room and goes netflix and chill with them. If not, Robert says "Not today, ladies" and goes to check the bar if there's any loot.
Robert is in luck, the chicks are definitely 7s sober but could go higher the drunker he gets. He grabs a few drinks for himself and the ladies and pounds them because you always want to turn a 7 into a 9 if you have the chance. He asks the ladies if they want to “netflix and chill?” They, of course, agree after he is silhouetted against the explosion of Chefhalla V.2 and looks like the baddest man alive(Though not really). Robert bangs the shit out of the women. They definitely will tell their friends that they got to fuck Robert.
A bit of luck. You rolled a 18.
Robert McWottinson
Name : Robert McWottinson
Bio: Robert is a kilt wearing dwarf from Scotland. He lived in an orphanage but escaped because their food tasted bad. He then lived on the streets stealing, drinking and attempting to get any woman he could find in his bed. Robert is a bit stupid and loses his temper quickly and usually solves problems with his big fists. Although Robert looks aggressive, inside he has a big heart and wants to settle down some day. One night in Scotland he fell asleep in a bar and the next day he was in the middle of the Caribbean.
Skill: Being strong and Scottish
Status: Banged the fuck out of the women.
Spoiler
(https://i.imgur.com/IDc0K6S.jpg)
Jeckson attempts to be hardcore while unconscious by making his eyebrows have that bad boy 'i only want love baby' look
Jeckson is only able to make the “I fuck fifteen year-olds when I’m 19” look. He awakes to some people are happy for him, others are upset, and others couldn’t give two fucks.
Alright. You rolled a 10.
Jeckson Duncold
Name :Jeckson Duncold
Bio: His great great great granpapi was a pirate that sailed the seas of some diff. world and he wanted to be just like his granpapi Jackson Dunkeld. He's brown as shit and insists he's italian or smth. This nigga's a lowly 5'8 giant. Made fun of for being a fucking midget. Also gay af
Skill: Good with a sabre. Adept with a pistol
Status: Is waking.
Duzzer finds a shotgun and goes kill the fucktards who raped him
Duzzer finds a shotgun and goes to kill the fucktards who raped him. He did not account for the fact that many shotguns are not loaded when they are not in use. When he attempts to shoot Ernie, nothing happens. He just beats the shit out of his target with the shotgun. So now there are two bleeding fucktards in the middle of the street with Bert and Oscar on their way to get Duzzer.
Not bad. You rolled a 12.
Duzzer
Name : Duzzer
Bio: Duzzer was named after his son Dazzer
Skill: Can breathe
Race: ARC trooper
Status: Still beat the fuck up.
Durin after finally getting unmuted waking up, goes to sell the loot he obtained, while keeping the best armor for himself.
Durin collects all his loot and looks for the best pieces. He equips them and goes to the shop to sell the rest. On the way he sees another explosion and wonders “what is happening over there that there have been a shitton of smoke and expolsions and shit.” He successfully sells the excess armor and collects his money.
The die wants to be average for some peeps I see. You rolled an 11.
Durin Ironfist
Name : Durin Ironfist
Bio: Durin is a dwarf from the mountains. He has money. He has a big axe. He knows how to use said axe. He has money. He has gold and shit because he's a dwarf.
Skill: Blacksmith
Status: Getting that money
Glastrom Gnash takes out his sword and beheads the barman, yelling out: "I need more beer!"
As Glastrom Gnash goes to cut the barman’s head off, explosion V.2 occurs and knocks Glastrom to the ground. Glastrom is unharmed but is now totally sober. Good thing the bar is giving out free bear because of the 2 explosions interrupting happy hour.
Glastrom Gnash
Name: Glastrom Gnash
Race: Dwarf
Bio: He was born in The Bahamas and his father was a big greasy man who hit his wife and abused his son. However, from this, Glastrom Gnash learned to be strong. He had no education and, when he was 16 years old, he ran away with the night with everything that he had (namely a sword, rugged clothes and a picture of his mother). His dad chased him down with a baseball bat bue Glastrom was faster than his dad. He travelled to Port-au-Prince in Haiti, where he joined a pirates crew. He lost his eye in a battle and soon became the right hand man to the Captain of the ship and when the Captain died, he rose to become the leader of a ship. Many years later, when Glastrom was 32 years old, he was defeated in battle with the British and captured. He was tortured, his crew imprisoned and his ship burnt. He managed to escape and ever since, now 34 year old, gets wasted in pubs every night.
Skill: Very strong and loves drinking
Status: Thirsty as fuck
Pete arrives on New New Providence and begins his search for the iceberg that killed his family. He goes to the bar to meet with the mounted fish who claims to have information about the iceberg. When he is within a stone's-throw, the bar explodes. The mounted fish is unhurt but now won’t talk to Pete unless he can repair the chip in his wooden mount.
Name: Pete "The Merman" Gillian
Race: 74% man, 26% fish.
Bio: Pete was born on a pirate vessel passing by Barbados during a storm, the ship hit an iceberg and sunk. Pete had held his breath for 6 entire days before he was found by the fishpeople residing in the shallow waters near the Windward islands. Instead of eating him like they did to most people, they raised him as one of their own and taught him how to grow gills and speak fishspeak. When Pete found out he was adopted he swam away from home and began a new life as a pirate. To this day, he is still looking for the iceberg that killed his family.
Skill: Breathing underwater and communication with fishes.
Dan x10000000 is tired of being unconscious too and becomes a fully awake super sayan.
Dan uses his recent beatdown as motivation and turns into a super saiyan and beats Vegeta to death. He then cooks Vegeta's body into a meal.
Dan finds Dan x10000000 unconscious during his training montage (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fn7Tn-cdmx0) and realises that he will be more successful with the help of his great x10000000 grandson. Dan is able to wake go Dan x10000000 and both go Super Saiyan. When they see Vegeta, Vegeta declares that Dan’s power level reads, “Fucking high,” while Dan x10000000’s reads, “Actually Zeus.” The two battle Vegeta for what seems like an eternity in TV time but in actuality is closer to like 2 and a half minutes in reality. D squared prevail through his use of a combination of Chefehameha and Future Trucks. Vegeta is able to escape however and will return in 37 episodes after another power increase. Dan and Dan x10000000’s new found fame gives them plenty of movie roles and lots of attention for Chefhalla V.2.
Wtf is luck. You both rolled 18s.
Dan Cheffington Junior Junior Junior Junior Junior
Name : Dan Cheffington Junior Junior Junior Junior Junior
Bio: The son of the son of the son of the son of the son of Dan Cheffington
Skill: Being Zeus.
Status: Pretty much Gohan
Dan Cheffington
Name (Anything, really, but preferably pirate-y.):Dan Cheffington
Race:Elf cuz they can cook
Bio:Standing at 6'1" and weighing 230lbs, he was a chef for only the finest palates in England and Wales. Then he traveled to Jamaca where he gets high all day, everyday. He is the finest chef in all the lands. It is rumored that his meals are even better when he is high as fuck.
Skill:Can cook and fuck your mom
Status: Pretty much Goku
Robert looks at the bar and is very confused by the recent events and decides to go wander around the harbor/dock/something.
Robert is confounded by the commotion at the the bar/Chefhalla V.2 and decides to have a nice walk around the harbor. While on his walk, Robert is mobbed by the friends of the women who slept with Robert. While many in the crowd are 5s and 6s, there are a few 9s and even a 10.
Lucky motherfucker. You rolled a 17.
Robert McWottinson
Name : Robert McWottinson
Bio: Robert is a kilt wearing dwarf from Scotland. He lived in an orphanage but escaped because their food tasted bad. He then lived on the streets stealing, drinking and attempting to get any woman he could find in his bed. Robert is a bit stupid and loses his temper quickly and usually solves problems with his big fists. Although Robert looks aggressive, inside he has a big heart and wants to settle down some day. One night in Scotland he fell asleep in a bar and the next day he was in the middle of the Caribbean.
Skill: Being strong and Scottish
Status: More sex?
Spoiler
(https://i.imgur.com/IDc0K6S.jpg)
Oolong decides he's been unconscious for long enough and wakes up.
Jeckson wakes up from his slumber and tries to knock this Oolong kid back into unconsciousness
Oolong and Jeckson wake up at the exact same moment. Seeing each other, they freak the fuck out and begin trying to kill each other. In a test of strength, as all good wrestling matches start, Oolong and Jeckson are even until a crazed SJW, would was offended by Jeckson’s pedo stare, starts to mace Jeckson. She was unable to stop her motorized wheelchair however due to her momentum because she was heavy as fuck. The SJW runs over Oolong and seriously injuries him due to her great weight. Jeckson fares slightly better and is only blinded. After seeing her good work, the SJW decides that she has spread the good word of equality and feminism and goes to McDonald’s.
The world is fucking you atm. Oolong rolled a 1 and Jeckson rolled a 3.
Oolong the Champion
Name: Oolong the Champion
Race: Ursine
Bio: Oolong is an Ursine, born and raised in the thick of the Canadian evergreen forests. He is a huge fucking 10ft tall grizzly bear. He is a very territorial and he has a low tolerance for other races. His family was slaughtered at a young age by a group of Humans and Elves. He grew up despising their creations and their race.
Skill: Strong, Intimidating, Combat ready.
Status: A bit injuried
Jeckson Duncold
Name :Jeckson Duncold
Bio: His great great great granpapi was a pirate that sailed the seas of some diff. world and he wanted to be just like his granpapi Jackson Dunkeld. He's brown as shit and insists he's italian or smth. This nigga's a lowly 5'8 giant. Made fun of for being a fucking midget. Also gay af
Skill: Good with a sabre. Adept with a pistol
Status: Blind atm
Duzzer shows his *super secret wep* to Oscar and Bert and tries to scare them.
Duzzer takes out his dick and shows it to Oscar and Bert. The part, thinking he’s a hardman(literally and metaphorically), take off. They leave Ernie for Duzzer along with their possessions.
Not bad. You rolled a 13.
Duzzer
Name : Duzzer
Bio: Duzzer was named after his son Dazzer
Skill: Can breathe
Race: ARC trooper
Status: Likes the breeze
Glastrom decides that he wants to do something with his life for once - he takes the person to his right's drink and walks out of the bar, looking for a rich person to rob.
Glastrom takes a drink from the person from his right. That is the last thing that he remembers because he took the drink from Superman who is not pleased by this action. Superman precedes to make many shapes out of the unconscious Glastrom’s body. Some of these shapes were quite unnatural but looked cool so no one tried to stop Superman. Well that was one of the reasons that spectators claimed.
You rolled a 2.
Glastrom Gnash
Name: Glastrom Gnash
Race: Dwarf
Bio: He was born in The Bahamas and his father was a big greasy man who hit his wife and abused his son. However, from this, Glastrom Gnash learned to be strong. He had no education and, when he was 16 years old, he ran away with the night with everything that he had (namely a sword, rugged clothes and a picture of his mother). His dad chased him down with a baseball bat bue Glastrom was faster than his dad. He travelled to Port-au-Prince in Haiti, where he joined a pirates crew. He lost his eye in a battle and soon became the right hand man to the Captain of the ship and when the Captain died, he rose to become the leader of a ship. Many years later, when Glastrom was 32 years old, he was defeated in battle with the British and captured. He was tortured, his crew imprisoned and his ship burnt. He managed to escape and ever since, now 34 year old, gets wasted in pubs every night.
Skill: Very strong and loves drinking
Status: Unconscious and sore
Pete attempts to knock the mounted fish unconscious and or bring him to a nearby cave to interrogate and waterboard him for information.
Pete walks over to the mounted fish and starts to beat the shit out of the fish but it turns out the fish is a 3rd Dan Blackbelt in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. Pete is caught in a triangle choke but being 26% fish, it doesn’t work on him. So the mounted fish switches to an armbar and breaks Pete’s arm. The mounted fish leaves Pete with his broken arm and bounces away.
Mhm. You rolled a 4
Pete "The Merman" Gillian
Name: Pete "The Merman" Gillian
Race: 74% man, 26% fish.
Bio: Pete was born on a pirate vessel passing by Barbados during a storm, the ship hit an iceberg and sunk. Pete had held his breath for 6 entire days before he was found by the fishpeople residing in the shallow waters near the Windward islands. Instead of eating him like they did to most people, they raised him as one of their own and taught him how to grow gills and speak fishspeak. When Pete found out he was adopted he swam away from home and began a new life as a pirate. To this day, he is still looking for the iceberg that killed his family.
Skill: Breathing underwater and communication with fishes.
Status: Got a broken arm so...
John Cenarr arrives on the New New Providence to complete his mission of being the best wrestler and “good guy” in the whole universe. He sees a kitten in a burning tree which is guarded by the AntiChefs, Cinderella and Jasmine. John beats the shit out of them and climbs the ladder to retrieve the kitten and a Money in the Bank briefcase which he can use to cash in for a shot at the WWE Universal Championship in a location of John’s choosing.
Why is the die so positive today? You rolled a 16.
Name (Anything, really, but preferably pirate-y.): John Cenarr
Race: he's a professional wrestler
Bio: From West Newburry, Massachusetts, weighing in at 251 pounds. JOHN CEEEEEEEEEEEENAAAAAAAAAAR
Skill: he can fuck your bitch and wrestle
Dan x10000000000 fist pumps Dan so hard that they kill the world.
Dan ignores the other Dan. Dan stays super saiyan and cooks some shit for people. Because obviously you cook better while you are a super saiyan.
Dan x10000000000 is ignored by Dan when he goes for a fist bump. Dan goes back to work and makes a shit ton of food. While preparing a steak from mars, Dan is hit on the back. Dan x10000000000 uses Dan confusion to fist bump go for a fist bump. While not being the cleanest bump, the fist bump is able to generate enough energy to create two beams of energy which travel in opposite directions. One of the beams kills the SJW while the other destroys the Moon which does nothing at the moment but I have to give you guys a punishment for bitching at me.
Dan Cheffington Junior Junior Junior Junior Junior
Name : Dan Cheffington Junior Junior Junior Junior Junior
Bio: The son of the son of the son of the son of the son of Dan Cheffington
Skill: Being Zeus.
Status: Pretty much Gohan
Dan Cheffington
Name (Anything, really, but preferably pirate-y.):Dan Cheffington
Race:Elf cuz they can cook
Bio:Standing at 6'1" and weighing 230lbs, he was a chef for only the finest palates in England and Wales. Then he traveled to Jamaca where he gets high all day, everyday. He is the finest chef in all the lands. It is rumored that his meals are even better when he is high as fuck.
Skill:Can cook and fuck your mom
Status: Pretty much Goku
Oolong pushes through his slight injury, taking advantage upon Jackson's blindness he goes for the knockout swipe.
Jeckson blindingly looks around for the SJW's ass to use as a flail against Oolong
Jeckson is able to pull the SJW in front of himself before Oolong swipes at him. This enrages the SJW who starts to yell about the patriarchy of the world and how women are superior and tougher and how men are pigs who should know better than to put their hands on women. Jeckson, using the screaming SJW as a flail, is able to block all Oolong’s swipes and goes on the offensive. Oolong trips and just as Jeckson swings the SJW to end Oolong, the SJW is vaporised by the energy beam released from the Dan^2 fist bump. This blows Oolong and Jeckson into different parts of the city with Oolong ending up in Robert’s bed and Jeckson ending up in Queen Duzzer’s Palace.
Oolong the Champion
Name: Oolong the Champion
Race: Ursine
Bio: Oolong is an Ursine, born and raised in the thick of the Canadian evergreen forests. He is a huge fucking 10ft tall grizzly bear. He is a very territorial and he has a low tolerance for other races. His family was slaughtered at a young age by a group of Humans and Elves. He grew up despising their creations and their race.
Skill: Strong, Intimidating, Combat ready.
Status: A bit injuried
Jeckson Duncold
Name :Jeckson Duncold
Bio: His great great great granpapi was a pirate that sailed the seas of some diff. world and he wanted to be just like his granpapi Jackson Dunkeld. He's brown as shit and insists he's italian or smth. This nigga's a lowly 5'8 giant. Made fun of for being a fucking midget. Also gay af
Skill: Good with a sabre. Adept with a pistol
Status: Blind atm
Duzzer fucks Otto and then his bitches.
Robert pushes Dazzer out of the way and goes to bang the 10s.
Duzzer sees the mass of women and attempts to push his way to the center. Escaping the grabs and hugs of the women, Duzzer is able to get the center and see the Most Sexi Man Alive(Sexi Man Magizine), Robert. Duzzer says fuck it and goes for that sexi dick. Robert, grabs Duzzer’s shoulders and gives a “Nuh uh,” and leaves with the 10 in the crowd. Duzzer, unable to drop the issue, goes after Robert in an attempt to fuck him. Robert, having none of it, roundhouse kicks Duzzer and leaves him for the mass of women. The women take Duzzer and make him their new queen while Robert goes to bang the shit out of the 10. Duzzer is placed upon his throne. He is crowned Queen of all the women by Queen Elizabeth. Suddenly Jeckson is dragged into the throneroom by a gaggle of women when he plummeted into the courtyard outside. Robert is ready to fuck the 10 when Oolong comes crashing through the roof and onto the bed next to Robert.
Roberto rolls that dank 18 while Duzzer rolls that average 16.
Robert McWottinson
Name : Robert McWottinson
Bio: Robert is a kilt wearing dwarf from Scotland. He lived in an orphanage but escaped because their food tasted bad. He then lived on the streets stealing, drinking and attempting to get any woman he could find in his bed. Robert is a bit stupid and loses his temper quickly and usually solves problems with his big fists. Although Robert looks aggressive, inside he has a big heart and wants to settle down some day. One night in Scotland he fell asleep in a bar and the next day he was in the middle of the Caribbean.
Skill: Being strong and Scottish
Status: More sex?
Spoiler
(https://i.imgur.com/IDc0K6S.jpg)
Duzzer
Name : Duzzer
Bio: Duzzer was named after his son Dazzer
Skill: Can breathe
Race: ARC trooper
Status: Likes the breeze
Glastrom wakes up, "Shit!" he proclaims, before standing up and shaking himself down. He goes to the local doctor to heal his wounds.
Glastrom wakes up and is a bit sore. Glastrom decides that he should probably head to the doctor to check how fucked up he is. Feeling bad for making Glastrom his bitch, Superman buys Glastrom a drink for the road. Glastrom downs the free beverage and yells a thanks over his shoulder to Superman. At the Doctor’s, Glastrom discovers that his constant drinking has turned him into a numb punching bag and he will be just fine.
Not too bad. You rolled a 15.
Glastrom Gnash
Name: Glastrom Gnash
Race: Dwarf
Bio: He was born in The Bahamas and his father was a big greasy man who hit his wife and abused his son. However, from this, Glastrom Gnash learned to be strong. He had no education and, when he was 16 years old, he ran away with the night with everything that he had (namely a sword, rugged clothes and a picture of his mother). His dad chased him down with a baseball bat bue Glastrom was faster than his dad. He travelled to Port-au-Prince in Haiti, where he joined a pirates crew. He lost his eye in a battle and soon became the right hand man to the Captain of the ship and when the Captain died, he rose to become the leader of a ship. Many years later, when Glastrom was 32 years old, he was defeated in battle with the British and captured. He was tortured, his crew imprisoned and his ship burnt. He managed to escape and ever since, now 34 year old, gets wasted in pubs every night.
Skill: Very strong and loves drinking
Status: Unconscious and sore
John raises his Money in the Bank briefcase and gives a stare down at a random man. The random man gives John a seductive look. John screams "YABBA DABBA DOOOOOO" and his theme song comes on. However, he attempts to go away from the man and heads towards a nearby Make-a-Wish foundation.
John starts to head off for the nearest Make-a-Wish compound when he sees the familiar sight of Video Cameras Branded with WWE. He remembers that he is suppose to be beaten down and at that moment he sees that the man who was giving him a seductive look was not a random man at all. Infact the man was Randy Orton who John has been feuding with for over 200 years. Randy “beats” the shit out of John. Cena, due to the fact that he is pretty much superman at this point, gets a few licks in but finally succumbs to the beating and is left in the middle of the sidewalk as Randy hightails it out of there. After the cameras turn off John continues to the Make-a-Wish compound. He discovers that the Make-a-Wish foundation has become a paramilitary group whose main goal is to kill the retarded children of the world and make their parents wish true.
Average. You rolled a 10.
John Cenarr
Name (Anything, really, but preferably pirate-y.): John Cenarr
Race: he's a professional wrestler
Bio: From West Newburry, Massachusetts, weighing in at 251 pounds. JOHN CEEEEEEEEEEEENAAAAAAAAAAR
Skill: he can fuck your bitch and wrestle
Glastrom is very pleased with this. He stalks Superman, and when he is not looking and in cover, stabs him in the back.
Glastrom has the brilliant plan to stab superman because superman cannot be all that super because he was man in his name. So Glastrom believes and made, with a sound, well developed theorem, that he will be able to stab the good ol’ superman with a knife. Glastrom begins to stalk superman because he has decided in 30.2145 seconds that he will attempt and complete his plan to the best of his limited abilites. As superman walks into the phonebooth to change, Glastrom moves in for the “kill” so to say. Glastrom forces open the door and stabs wildly. It appears that it was not superman but a man who looks like superman who was wearing a superman costume. It also appears that the police did not take that kindly. They arrest Glastrom and throw him into the jail.
Ur shit. 11
Glastrom Gnash
Name: Glastrom Gnash
Race: Dwarf
Bio: He was born in The Bahamas and his father was a big greasy man who hit his wife and abused his son. However, from this, Glastrom Gnash learned to be strong. He had no education and, when he was 16 years old, he ran away with the night with everything that he had (namely a sword, rugged clothes and a picture of his mother). His dad chased him down with a baseball bat bue Glastrom was faster than his dad. He travelled to Port-au-Prince in Haiti, where he joined a pirates crew. He lost his eye in a battle and soon became the right hand man to the Captain of the ship and when the Captain died, he rose to become the leader of a ship. Many years later, when Glastrom was 32 years old, he was defeated in battle with the British and captured. He was tortured, his crew imprisoned and his ship burnt. He managed to escape and ever since, now 34 year old, gets wasted in pubs every night.
Skill: Very strong and loves drinking
Status: He is retarded
John looks for the owner of the Make-A-wish foundation and decides to cash in his money in the bank for full control of the group
NOOOOOO, WHAT!!! THAT’S JOHN CENA! WHAT’S HE DOING OUT HERE! OH NOOO! HE’S CASHING IN HIS MONEY IN THE BANK!!!!!!! IT LOOKS LIKE MR. MAKE-A-WISH HAS NO IDEA WHAT IS HAPPENING WILL THIS BE THE OPPORTUNITY FOR JOHN TO ADD ANOTHER ACCOLADE TO HIS IMPRESSIVE LIST?!?! THAT THE BELL AND JUAN CENA IS ON THE SHOULDERS OF JOHN CENA!!!! THAT’S WHAT HE CALLS THE AA, ATTITUDE AJUSTMENT!!! 1, 2, AND 3!!!!!! JOHN CENA IS THE NEW MRRRRRRRRRR. MAKE-A-WISH!!!! JOHN CENA A 1,500 TIME WWE CHAMPION AND NOWWWWW, MR. MAKE-A-WISH!!!! WHAT A NIGHT THIS HAS BEEN!!!!!! MICHAEL COLE SIGNING OFF FROM WHERE EVER THE FUCK THIS IS!!!!!!!!!!
Rolled a 19 so I rounded up
John Cenarr
Name (Anything, really, but preferably pirate-y.): John Cenarr
Race: he's a professional wrestler
Bio: From West Newburry, Massachusetts, weighing in at 251 pounds. JOHN CEEEEEEEEEEEENAAAAAAAAAAR
Skill: he can fuck your bitch and wrestle
Dan Junior x10000000000000000000 repairs the moon.
It appears that Dan Junior x10000000000000000000 abilities with his forehead are far superior to anything else in the world. Dan Junior x10000000000000000000 is able to repair the moon back to 99% of it’s original size. As a result, from earth, it only looked like someone had turned off the moon momentarily. This has happened in the pass due to the people of earth forgetting to pay their moon tax on time. When Dan Junior x10000000000000000000, returns to earth he lands on top of the Chefhalla V.2 and destroys it again because I need a crutch for this story.
Rolled a 19 wtf
Dan Cheffington Junior Junior Junior Junior Junior
Name : Dan Cheffington Junior Junior Junior Junior Junior
Bio: The son of the son of the son of the son of the son of Dan Cheffington
Skill: Being Zeus.
Status: Pretty much Gohan
Dazzer fucks Jeckson and then goes fuck Robert with his army.
Jeckson obtains Daredevil from series' powers
THE EPIC SHOWDOWN HAS BEGUN!!!!!
Duzzer and Jeckson face off. Literally they look longingly at each other as if they were past lovers. That is not too far off the mark but I cannot really think of a backstory to this so I’m going to limit the exposition. Jeckson, with his Daredevilish abilities, starts turning like a fucking top because there are about 700 children around him that need to because fucked up. Duzzer takes this opportunity to try and fuck up a Robert who somehow doesn’t see the giant, brawl that is occurring literally 100 feet from him. Jeckson however stops Duzzer in his tracks with a beautiful kick that makes him knock a coffee into a lady. This woman, being the good, upstanding citizen that she is, kicks the shit out of Jeckson and his nether regions. Fortunately for Jeckson, Duzzer feels his enemies pain and beats the shit out of the lady. As a result, a police officer hauls Duzzer off to jail while his child soldiers look on because they are scared of the police for reasons that include their love of shooting random people. Jeckson crawls to the Chefhalla V.2 because he isn’t as smart as Pete. As a result, Jeckson is blown up again but doesn’t die because I don’t know how to kill off characters..
You’re both shit at 5 for a mister Dazzer and 7 for a mister Bondage.
Duzzer
Name : Duzzer
Bio: Duzzer was named after his son Dazzer
Skill: Can breathe
Race: ARC trooper
Status: Likes the breeze
Jeckson Duncold
Name :Jeckson Duncold
Bio: His great great great granpapi was a pirate that sailed the seas of some diff. world and he wanted to be just like his granpapi Jackson Dunkeld. He's brown as shit and insists he's italian or smth. This nigga's a lowly 5'8 giant. Made fun of for being a fucking midget. Also gay af
Skill: Good with a sabre. Adept with a pistol
Status: Blind atm
The sudden appear of the bear destroys Robert's erection so he decides to just leave and go wander around the harbor.
Robert, being the chill motherfucker that he is, just accepts that he has lost his boner and moves on to the harbor. It appears that a nice gentleman has stopped the army of the madman called Dazzer from fucking with him too much. Robert appears to see his long lost ex-girlfriend who he still has feelings because he was too much of a pussy to say to her that she shouldn’t go on a boat trip that takes her over the most dangerous part of the world, the North Korean Trench. He could have just told her and she wouldn’t have gone because she really loves him for his large eyes. She has an interesting personality.
10 because you’re average
Robert McWottinson
Name : Robert McWottinson
Bio: Robert is a kilt wearing dwarf from Scotland. He lived in an orphanage but escaped because their food tasted bad. He then lived on the streets stealing, drinking and attempting to get any woman he could find in his bed. Robert is a bit stupid and loses his temper quickly and usually solves problems with his big fists. Although Robert looks aggressive, inside he has a big heart and wants to settle down some day. One night in Scotland he fell asleep in a bar and the next day he was in the middle of the Caribbean.
Skill: Being strong and Scottish
Status: More sex?
Spoiler
(https://i.imgur.com/IDc0K6S.jpg)
Oolong rests in Robert's bed to heal his wounds.
Oolong just chills the fuck out and rests in Robert’s bed, with those girls that have a bear fetish. I guess people have animal kinks sometimes when they are lonely and want to try something new. Oolong is pretty attractive for a bear I guess if somehow that makes sense. Great personalities can carry a person pretty far. Being ugly can really reduce a person’s chances. I really need a great personality or to be more attractive. One day.
15 is quite alright most times
Oolong the Champion
Name: Oolong the Champion
Race: Ursine
Bio: Oolong is an Ursine, born and raised in the thick of the Canadian evergreen forests. He is a huge fucking 10ft tall grizzly bear. He is a very territorial and he has a low tolerance for other races. His family was slaughtered at a young age by a group of Humans and Elves. He grew up despising their creations and their race.
Skill: Strong, Intimidating, Combat ready.
Status: A bit injuried
Pete attempts to tie a hangman's noose to hang himself with.
Pete skillfully ties the the knot for the hangman’s noose because he has done it so many times before. He steps on the nice stool that he uses in his attempts to kill himself. Luckily, superman happens to be in the neighborhood and saved our young character from killing himself for what seems like the 70th or 71st time. Good thing you can always rely on good ol’ superman! Pete on on the other hand goes about his ritual failed-in-killing-myself-again drinking binge at bar across from the Chefhalla V.2 as it has been subject to a lot of explosions over the time period of this RTD.
I rolled two dice and got a 3 and a 17 so I just typed this.
Pete "The Merman" Gillian
Name: Pete "The Merman" Gillian
Race: 74% man, 26% fish.
Bio: Pete was born on a pirate vessel passing by Barbados during a storm, the ship hit an iceberg and sunk. Pete had held his breath for 6 entire days before he was found by the fishpeople residing in the shallow waters near the Windward islands. Instead of eating him like they did to most people, they raised him as one of their own and taught him how to grow gills and speak fishspeak. When Pete found out he was adopted he swam away from home and began a new life as a pirate. To this day, he is still looking for the iceberg that killed his family.
Skill: Breathing underwater and communication with fishes.
Status: Got a broken arm so...
Dan goes and finds the 7 Chefhalla Balls. It is said that when all the balls are gathered, the Great Chefhalla appears and grants a single wish.
Dan sets off on his great adventure but is immediately stopped by a man in a trench coat that looks suspiciously like Larry the lobster. This man claims that a certain Bikini Bottom resident, that is shaped like a cereal box and is made of sponge or is a sponge; he doesn’t really know what type of material or even if it’s a living thing but it has a fucking annoying laugh and it’s/his friend is literally retarded, has all the balls because they were sunk when the USS Chefingboat sunk in the storm of ‘47. Dan goes and finds his individual but is caught in a clever trap by what appears to be a snail with the intellect of a fucking genius. Whatever will he do?!?!? Find out next time on DRAGON BALL ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You rolled a 9 because you're shit
Dan Cheffington
Name (Anything, really, but preferably pirate-y.):Dan Cheffington
Race:Elf cuz they can cook
Bio:Standing at 6'1" and weighing 230lbs, he was a chef for only the finest palates in England and Wales. Then he traveled to Jamaca where he gets high all day, everyday. He is the finest chef in all the lands. It is rumored that his meals are even better when he is high as fuck.
Skill:Can cook and fuck your mom
Status: Pretty much Goku
Dan x10000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 drinks so much Vodka there's no Vodka left in the world.
Dan x10alot decides that he will drink all the vodka in the world because of a very kind voice in his head told him to. This voice sounded like a person who would claim to be a doctor and have a last name that is exactly the same as his favorite game. Unfortunately, Dan x10alot is only able to drink 2 out of the 561 great vodka lakes before a spaceship crashes next to him. Out of the wreckage stumbles out, what appears to be a midget with really long legs. This Alien has a large name tag with the name, “Fuas'a Aalk Gleadrulph Glouq'ux Ostib Talhue,” underneath the logo of the Northeast-of-the-North Shipping company.
14 ain’t bad
Dan Cheffington Junior Junior Junior Junior Junior
Name : Dan Cheffington Junior Junior Junior Junior Junior
Bio: The son of the son of the son of the son of the son of Dan Cheffington
Skill: Being Zeus.
Status: Pretty much Gohan
John Cena decides to disband the Make-A-Wish Foundation and establish a regiment on Mount and Blade: Napoleonic Wars.
[Scene: Colonel John Cena is telling his men the story of the creation of the USMC]
Enter John Cena with his band of Merry Make-A-Wishers
John: I have decided that I am to disband the Make-A-Wish Foundation a create a Mount and Blade: Napoleonic Wars regiment on the game, Mount and Blade: Napoleonic Wars. Yes, it is my destiny. It must happen. For me, for you, my ever loyal followers, and for the fate of the Universe which we call the Universe.
{Dramatic Pause}
I have spend nearly 27 and one half minutes with you men and in that time I believe a connection has formed. This is an everlasting bond. Because of this bond, I, John Felix Anthony Cena Jr., wish that you would join my regiment.
Make-a-Wisher 1: B-b-b-but sir, we are not worthy of this honor and privilege.
Make-a-Wisher 2: Yeah, why would you want us, the lowly Make-a-Wishers, to join you, John Felix Anthony Cena Jr.?
John: Well you see, I believe that if you all you have to do to succeed is to never give up. You fine gentlemen have never given up so far. I believe in you!
Make-a-Wisher 3: But we gave up on our last Le-
Make-a-Wisher 4: Shut the fuck up you retard
Make-a-Wisher 5: Yeah shut up retard
John: Wowowowowowow, guys, we’re suppose to be inspirations and role models and you’re going to throw out the r-word? Come on now.
Make-a-Wisher 4 & 5: Sorry Mr. Sir John Cena sir.
Make-a-Wisher 1: Where will I go; who will I be?
Director: Aaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnndddddddddddd CUT!
{Loud Clapperboard clap}
Perfect John! Let’s just talk about the next scene…
{John Cena runs away with his the cast and crew of the film}
John: Let’s move out Marines!
{Focus in on Billboard in the background; “Marine 162”}
Rolled a 15
John Cenarr
Name (Anything, really, but preferably pirate-y.): John Cenarr
Race: he's a professional wrestler
Bio: From West Newburry, Massachusetts, weighing in at 251 pounds. JOHN CEEEEEEEEEEEENAAAAAAAAAAR
Skill: he can fuck your bitch and wrestle
Glastrom wants to change his life around. He will plan to escape using a knife, hidden in the depths of his body, chiselling away each night. Once the hole becomes big enough for him to escape, he will and run for his life. Obviously he will cover the hole with a poster (this isn't taken from a film I swear).
After days hours minutes of struggling with digging through his wall, Glastrom has finally began to see the first rays of sunlight shine through the holes in his prison’s wall. However, at that exact moment, Glastrom hears a guard heading down the corridor towards his cell. With his trusty Freddie Mercury poster, he covers the hole. The guard comes nearer and nearer until Glastrom can see the guard. The guard, 6’8” and shirtless revealing all 353 lbs of his corded muscle, walks by Glastrom’s cell because there is nothing really suspicious about it. Glastrom waits until he can no longer hear the footsteps of the muscular guard and throws himself into the nearly completed breach in the wall. He breaks through in only a few more swings and begins to run from the prison. It is then that he discovers that the prison is also in the square containing all the buildings of the town because Dan cannot imagine cities to save his life. He first hears and then sees the commotion of Jeckson and Oolong and the, again, destroyed Chefhalla 2.0. At that exact moment, the alarms of the prison sound. From the prison runs a squad lead by the rather fleet-a-foot muscular guard who shouts, “Stop!” What will Glastrom do?!?! Where will Glastrom go!?!? Find out next time on Dragon Ball Z!
Glastrom rolled a 10
Glastrom Gnash
Name: Glastrom Gnash
Race: Dwarf
Bio: He was born in The Bahamas and his father was a big greasy man who hit his wife and abused his son. However, from this, Glastrom Gnash learned to be strong. He had no education and, when he was 16 years old, he ran away with the night with everything that he had (namely a sword, rugged clothes and a picture of his mother). His dad chased him down with a baseball bat bue Glastrom was faster than his dad. He travelled to Port-au-Prince in Haiti, where he joined a pirates crew. He lost his eye in a battle and soon became the right hand man to the Captain of the ship and when the Captain died, he rose to become the leader of a ship. Many years later, when Glastrom was 32 years old, he was defeated in battle with the British and captured. He was tortured, his crew imprisoned and his ship burnt. He managed to escape and ever since, now 34 year old, gets wasted in pubs every night.
Skill: Very strong and loves drinking
Status: He is retarded
Oolong rapes every women within his sight
Jeckson gets up and makes sweet love to Oolong..WITH A DAGGER
Jeckson, in the ruins of Chefhalla 2.0, gets up and spots Oolong. Jeckson, always an angry person, decides that he will take out his rage on Oolong. Brushing himself off and grabbing his dagger, Jeckson looks up to discover that Oolong has gotten his dick out and started to go after whatever and whichever woman he could get his hands on. A bit of a white knight(Jeckson is actually a officer in the Knights of Whiteness, a knighthood sworn to protect, and serve women whilst being the nicest guys possible(this is possibly due to being Jeckson being “Gay as Fuck”)), Jeckson begins his march towards Oolong. Jeckson, due to his small size, is able to get the drop of Oolong. Jeckson is able to stab Oolong 3 times with his dagger before they hear sirens go off. Jeckson, not wanting to go to jail, fucking legs it far away and leaves Oolong on the floor, bleeding. Jeckson ends up running into the Escapades Gentlemen's Club. Jeckson rather likes this bar for the patrons. A little girl comes up of Oolong believes that he is a real teddy bear.
Oolong rolled a 7 while Jeckson rolled a 14
Oolong the Champion
Name: Oolong the Champion
Race: Ursine
Bio: Oolong is an Ursine, born and raised in the thick of the Canadian evergreen forests. He is a huge fucking 10ft tall grizzly bear. He is a very territorial and he has a low tolerance for other races. His family was slaughtered at a young age by a group of Humans and Elves. He grew up despising their creations and their race.
Skill: Strong, Intimidating, Combat ready.
Status: A bit injuried
Jeckson Duncold
Name :Jeckson Duncold
Bio: His great great great granpapi was a pirate that sailed the seas of some diff. world and he wanted to be just like his granpapi Jackson Dunkeld. He's brown as shit and insists he's italian or smth. This nigga's a lowly 5'8 giant. Made fun of for being a fucking midget. Also gay af
Skill: Good with a sabre. Adept with a pistol
Status: Gotten better