The Great Fantasy Pirate RTD

[Dazzer]

Jeckson gets up and makes sweet love to Dazzer...WITH A DAGGER

Duzzer is in jail so that's gonna be a bit hard

who is Duzzer

[Dan the Seagull Chef]

Name : Duzzer
Bio: Duzzer was named after his son Dazzer
Skill: Can breathe
Race: ARC trooper

[Commander Bondage]

Jeckson gets up and makes sweet love to Oolong..WITH A DAGGER

[BabyJesus]

Woah fuzzed can breathe? I'm jealous

[Commander Bondage]

Is this considered necroing? No one's posted in here since last year...

[Dazzer]

Woah fuzzed can breathe? I'm jealous

Again, who is Fuzzed?

[Dan the Seagull Chef]

Dan x10000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 drinks so much Vodka there's no Vodka left in the world.

Dan x10alot decides that he will drink all the vodka in the world because of a very kind voice in his head told him to. This voice sounded like a person who would claim to be a doctor and have a last name that is exactly the same as his favorite game. Unfortunately, Dan x10alot is only able to drink 2 out of the 561 great vodka lakes before a spaceship crashes next to him. Out of the wreckage stumbles out, what appears to be a midget with really long legs. This Alien has a large name tag with the name, “Fuas'a Aalk Gleadrulph Glouq'ux Ostib Talhue,” underneath the logo of the Northeast-of-the-North Shipping company.
14 ain’t bad

Dan Cheffington Junior Junior Junior Junior Junior

Name : Dan Cheffington Junior Junior Junior Junior Junior
Bio: The son of the son of the son of the son of the son of Dan Cheffington
Skill: Being Zeus.
Status: Pretty much Gohan

[close]

John Cena decides to disband the Make-A-Wish Foundation and establish a regiment on Mount and Blade: Napoleonic Wars.

[Scene: Colonel John Cena is telling his men the story of the creation of the USMC]
Enter John Cena with his band of Merry Make-A-Wishers

John: I have decided that I am to disband the Make-A-Wish Foundation a create a Mount and Blade: Napoleonic Wars regiment on the game, Mount and Blade: Napoleonic Wars. Yes, it is my destiny. It must happen. For me, for you, my ever loyal followers, and for the fate of the Universe which we call the Universe.

{Dramatic Pause}

 I have spend nearly 27 and one half minutes with you men and in that time I believe a connection has formed. This is an everlasting bond. Because of this bond, I, John Felix Anthony Cena Jr., wish that you would join my regiment.

Make-a-Wisher 1: B-b-b-but sir, we are not worthy of this honor and privilege.

Make-a-Wisher 2: Yeah, why would you want us, the lowly Make-a-Wishers, to join you, John Felix Anthony Cena Jr.?

John: Well you see, I believe that if you all you have to do to succeed is to never give up. You fine gentlemen have never given up so far. I believe in you!

Make-a-Wisher 3: But we gave up on our last Le-

Make-a-Wisher 4: Shut the fuck up you retard

Make-a-Wisher 5: Yeah shut up retard

John: Wowowowowowow, guys, we’re suppose to be inspirations and role models and you’re going to throw out the r-word? Come on now.

Make-a-Wisher 4 & 5: Sorry Mr. Sir John Cena sir.

Make-a-Wisher 1: Where will I go; who will I be?

Director: Aaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnndddddddddddd CUT!

{Loud Clapperboard clap}

Perfect John! Let’s just talk about the next scene…

{John Cena runs away with his the cast and crew of the film}

John: Let’s move out Marines!

{Focus in on Billboard in the background; “Marine 162”}

Rolled a 15

John Cenarr

Name (Anything, really, but preferably pirate-y.): John Cenarr
Race: he's a professional wrestler
Bio: From West Newburry, Massachusetts, weighing in at 251 pounds. JOHN CEEEEEEEEEEEENAAAAAAAAAAR
Skill: he can fuck your bitch and wrestle

[close]

Glastrom wants to change his life around. He will plan to escape using a knife, hidden in the depths of his body, chiselling away each night. Once the hole becomes big enough for him to escape, he will and run for his life. Obviously he will cover the hole with a poster (this isn't taken from a film I swear).

After days hours minutes of struggling with digging through his wall, Glastrom has finally began to see the first rays of sunlight shine through the holes in his prison’s wall. However, at that exact moment, Glastrom hears a guard heading down the corridor towards his cell. With his trusty Freddie Mercury poster, he covers the hole. The guard comes nearer and nearer until Glastrom can see the guard. The guard, 6’8” and shirtless revealing all 353 lbs of his corded muscle, walks by Glastrom’s cell because there is nothing really suspicious about it. Glastrom waits until he can no longer hear the footsteps of the muscular guard and throws himself into the nearly completed breach in the wall. He breaks through in only a few more swings and begins to run from the prison. It is then that he discovers that the prison is also in the square containing all the buildings of the town because Dan cannot imagine cities to save his life. He first hears and then sees the commotion of Jeckson and Oolong and the, again, destroyed Chefhalla 2.0. At that exact moment, the alarms of the prison sound. From the prison runs a squad lead by the rather fleet-a-foot muscular guard who shouts, “Stop!” What will Glastrom do?!?! Where will Glastrom go!?!? Find out next time on Dragon Ball Z!
Glastrom rolled a 10

Glastrom Gnash

Name: Glastrom Gnash
Race: Dwarf
Bio: He was born in The Bahamas and his father was a big greasy man who hit his wife and abused his son. However, from this, Glastrom Gnash learned to be strong. He had no education and, when he was 16 years old, he ran away with the night with everything that he had (namely a sword, rugged clothes and a picture of his mother). His dad chased him down with a baseball bat bue Glastrom was faster than his dad. He travelled to Port-au-Prince in Haiti, where he joined a pirates crew. He lost his eye in a battle and soon became the right hand man to the Captain of the ship and when the Captain died, he rose to become the leader of a ship. Many years later, when Glastrom was 32 years old, he was defeated in battle with the British and captured. He was tortured, his crew imprisoned and his ship burnt. He managed to escape and ever since, now 34 year old, gets wasted in pubs every night.
Skill: Very strong and loves drinking
Status: He is retarded 

[close]

Oolong rapes every women within his sight

Jeckson gets up and makes sweet love to Oolong..WITH A DAGGER

Jeckson, in the ruins of Chefhalla 2.0, gets up and spots Oolong. Jeckson, always an angry person, decides that he will take out his rage on Oolong. Brushing himself off and grabbing his dagger, Jeckson looks up to discover that Oolong has gotten his dick out and started to go after whatever and whichever woman he could get his hands on. A bit of a white knight(Jeckson is actually a officer in the Knights of Whiteness, a knighthood sworn to protect, and serve women whilst being the nicest guys possible(this is possibly due to being Jeckson being “Gay as Fuck”)), Jeckson begins his march towards Oolong. Jeckson, due to his small size, is able to get the drop of Oolong. Jeckson is able to stab Oolong 3 times with his dagger before they hear sirens go off. Jeckson, not wanting to go to jail, fucking legs it far away and leaves Oolong on the floor, bleeding. Jeckson ends up running into the Escapades Gentlemen's Club. Jeckson rather likes this bar for the patrons. A little girl comes up of Oolong believes that he is a real teddy bear.
Oolong rolled a 7 while Jeckson rolled a 14

Oolong the Champion

Name: Oolong the Champion
Race: Ursine
Bio: Oolong is an Ursine, born and raised in the thick of the Canadian evergreen forests. He is a huge fucking 10ft tall grizzly bear. He is a very territorial and he has a low tolerance for other races. His family was slaughtered at a young age by a group of Humans and Elves. He grew up despising their creations and their race.
Skill: Strong, Intimidating, Combat ready.
Status: A bit injuried

[close]

Jeckson Duncold

Name :Jeckson Duncold
Bio: His great great great granpapi was a pirate that sailed the seas of some diff. world and he wanted to be just like his granpapi Jackson Dunkeld. He's brown as shit and insists he's italian or smth. This nigga's a lowly 5'8 giant. Made fun of for being a fucking midget. Also gay af
Skill: Good with a sabre. Adept with a pistol
Status: Gotten better

[close]

[The Mighty McLovin]

Glastrom runs as fast as he can.  He takes of all his clothes to make himself more agile.

[DoctorWarband]

Dan x1000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 kills everything that ever existed again.

[Glenn]

John Cenarr enters his regiment into NANWL.

[Windflower]

Oolong fucking gets up and legs it after Jeckson and tries to rape him.

[Dazzer]

Duzzer wakes up after 3 years and eats some rats found dead on the ground, they were probably killed by his farts. He farts alot

[Commander Bondage]

Jeckson convinces the men in the club to fight for him and finds a cute female to become his bff that changes in front of him

[Commander Bondage]

Jeckson also thinks you should finish this game you goddamn cuck

[Dan the Seagull Chef]

Jeckson also thinks you should finish this game you goddamn cuck

Ok give me 5 hours