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Mount & Blade Warband: Napoleonic Wars => Community => Topic started by: Jorvasker on June 07, 2017, 09:40:27 pm

Title: I found this gem lying around - A Song of Bydand and Donations
Post by: Jorvasker on June 07, 2017, 09:40:27 pm
A Song of Bydand and Donations - Jorv R.R. Vasker

All of you oldies should remember this beauty...

Chapter 1:

In the year of our lord, 1855, A young procrastinator, of only 16, named James Stewart, or "Tavington" as his friends called him, was attending his last year of military school in London, England.
 He was quite short for a boy of his age. His face was very stern, and seemed to have never seen the least bit of enjoyment. His hair was an oily blonde colour in which he had inheriated
from his mother, a whore from France, that had migrated to England at only the age of 10. His father, Murphy Stewart, was a successful banker that worked for the Royal Court.
He provided everything that his family could ever wish for, except happiness. James was a saucy boy, his attitude was very negative, he always loved to be-little and boss people
around, making him an instant favourite to all of his officers at his school, in which gave him the grand opprotunity of training the new cadets.
   "What the fuck do you think you are doing!", screamed James at a new cadet that was messing up his drill. "S-s-s-sorry Tavington, I-I-I-I mean Mr. Stewart, I am a very clumsy
person, p-p-please forgive me", said Lister Bashnell in a very frightened and cracky voice. "I don't care how clumsy you are, you mentally inept inebriate, do go around cocking my
line up!" They continuted their drilling thoughout the toiling heat of the day, wiping sweat from their brow as fast as their body could produce it.
Cadet after cadet was humiliated by James and his drilling partner Ragni, being called "A useless waste of human existence" sometimes or being insulted for their nationality,
he really showed them he was not a boy to be messed with. Then came melee practice. James was renowned for his amazing abilities with the bayonet and he sure knew how to teach it,
some say he was born with a bayonet in the place of a cock, but that is only a silly tale. Each cadet was equipted a wooden musket with attached bayonet and they simulated battle charges
for hours on end. "This melee is absolutey apauling guys! Stick together, no silly deaths, and for godsakes Bashy come on! You useless shits kill something!", shouted James in a screaching yell. One thing
was for sure, and that was James wouldn't stop yelling until his "Plebians" got everything right. After a long hard day of running and stabbing, James invited Ragni and a few other of the trainees
out to some drinks on him, obviously using his fathers money, at a local tavern called "the Flying Squrriel", in which soldiers at the school frequented on the weekends and days that they had off. James goes back to his
quarters to freshen up before their night out in hopes of finding some fit ladies to bed. one of the older veterans of the school enters the room. "Where are ye' goin'
ye'dirty slut.", said Peter Broetz in a slurred speach, he had obviously already had a few drinks, "How dare you question me you fucking piece of Welsh scum, where the bloody hell do
think I would be going on a night like this you fucking retard, didn't they at least teach you simple logic in your failure of an education system in your shit-hole of a country. I am
going to the tavern with Ragni and some others, and no, you can't come", said James in his usual cruel and unwielding voice.
   Stumbling back to his quarters after a night full of drinks and love making, James, enters the room to find Peter thrown out on his bunk. James liked Peter quite a bit
when training, only because then did Peter have to do what he said, but back in the quarters James couldn't stand him. He always back talked him and did thinks to drive him
absolutely crazy. "Get up you Welsh degenerate!", he screamed. Peter then suddenly awoke, with a drop of saliva dripping out of his mouth, "You wot mate, yu having a giggle cus I feel asleep in ye bed?", said Peter in that same slurrish voice. James
took off his gloves and smacking Peter with them multiple times to face until a trickle of blood, as red as a newly bloomed rose, dripped down from his mouth."How do you like that, you slimy cunt. Get out of my bunk!"
"A'ight A'ight, yu got me, I'll piss off then, but next time ye ask me fer somfin' you ain't gettin' it." Peter then slugged himself from Jame's bunk to his own unorganized and sticky bunk.
   The next day was no better, James got up and sounded the trumpets telling all the cadets to awaken and get ready for morning drill. Peter was hungover and couldn't hardly
stand on his own two feet, and Bashy was still as bad as the prior day, having to be corrected and humiliated with almost every order he recieved. After training was over, James went alone to the Flying Squrriel to have a drink.
"I'll have some scoth, my good man", he said in a polite tone to to the bartender, a very plump man with cherry red cheeks and a very small mustache. "Right away, sir!" In stepped one they called Frithbiscuit, he was one of the main officials over the school.
James despised him with all the passion he could muster. Frith always allowed equal rights to all the minorites that attended the school. James couldn't stand minorities having the same chances in life
as true englishmen, so they often got into heated arguements whenever James would treat a minority worse than he would just a normal englishmen. "Why hello James, fancy seeing you here", Said Frith, in his booming deep voice.
"Hello sir, fancy joining me to have a drink?", James said in a very fake nice tone. "Why sure, I have a matter I must speak to you about anyways. My good man! I would like some brandy!", "Right away, sir!"
"So, what is this matter you speak of?", said James. "Well, do you know those two Jewish fellows that recently enlisted in the school?", "Yes, Teddy and Ledge I do think their names are", said James.
"Well, I am getting complaints of you not treating them properly, and you saying that they 'have no rights in this world', is this true?", said Frith in an evermore flustering voice. "Frith, you mean that I have to let those degenerate
Jews think they have the same rights as you and I? That is a absurd to hear such a think, I will not show those inept cunts a single ounce of respect as long as I am alive.", said James in a yell, the whole tavern fell silent and looked at him.
"Sir, we run a professional military establishment, we train England's best, we can't have drill leaders being prejudice against races, I am fine if you don't like them, but I beg you please do not let me hear of this again or you may just
lose your rank and go back into the normal ranks." James' face turn bright read and he takes his glass and slams it into the ground, shattering it into thousands of little peices.
"Are you deaf! I told you clear as day you fucking cunt, I will not treat these scum any better just because of your 'threats', I am your best drill and melee instructor and you know this
you wouldn't dare demote me. It's either me or those dirty filth!" Frith started to break sweat, he was not a man to get angry much, but this had brought him to his breaking point. "How dare you insult me! I am your commander. I am not one
to sit around and be humiliated like you do your poor cadets! I have the right mind to just kick you out of our school for that, but you are correct and I can't run this cadet program without you. Leave this tavern right now, I don't want
to see you telling a single person what do do for 2 full weeks, Ragni will deal with the cadets, all I know is if I see you even near the training ground you are out! Now be gone from my presence!" James was furious, he was never talked to like that
he picked up his chair and threw it at the wall and stormed out of the building, screaming at people in the streets and kicked anything over that he could put into sight. "How dare that fucking inept cunt talk to me that way, I am James Stewart", he
said to himself as he was opening the door to his quarters. "You, Welsh scum, out! I am not going to deal with you today. Find a new place to stay for the next few weeks.", he sreamed. "Wait wot is yur deal, I have not done a single thing!', said Peter in
a confused voice. "Don't question me you cunt, leave!"
   The next two weeks were hard on James, he barely left his quarters, he didn't know what to do with himself. He couldn't stand not being able to command people around, he didn't know what it felt like, until now.
After he was back in command of his cadets, things went back to normal and the relationship between him and Frith was never the same. The cadets had improved and less yelling had to be done.

   It was two weekS until graduation, and things around the school were a mess. James did everything he could do get these "shits" ready so they could all get out of there and he could be appointed to lead his first regiment, in which
he had been promised if he did a year and a half of this cadet drilling program. Everyday for for 6-8 hours, James would drill them harder than he has ever done it before, he even hit some of them to make sure they knew who was still in command.
Other than the constant screams and insults that could be heard from the drilling yard, things were wrather peaceful involving James. He didn't get in an fights or arguments, and he even treated Peter with more respect, mainly just because
he was counting down the days until he could travel away from this place and finally get to lead his own regiment, a dream of his since he had been a wee lad
   James unexpectedly invites his whole company out the the meeting all at half past 10 at night to have a special meeting that no one but James himself knew anything about.
"Guess what day it is ladies! It is the day before all of you pass this school and move on into the army and kill the French cowards! Now, I know I have been tough on you cunts, but there is an nice side of me believe it or not, and I would like
to point out Lister Bashnell for his extrodianary improvement over the past few weeks, I am very proud of you. Now the reason I all called you to this little meeting here, is that all of you know I am going to be leaving here in todays and will
be tranfering to York where I will be starting up my first regiment, The 1st Royal Lifeguards, I have been commissioned by the parliment themselves to lead this unit, there are a few of you Plebians I want to come along with me on this amazing
journey. I will list off your names and I want you to come up here and stand next to me. Lister Bashnell, Alexander Stewart, David Stewart, Fillian MacFarlan, Alexander Munro, James Watson, Robert Deans, and Hector MacKay. All of you have
shown outstanding preformance lately and would be honoured to have all of you in my unit, as for the rest of you cunts you just didn't make the cut, it is either you are just too fucking bad or that I just really don't like you."
   It was the day of graduation, hundreds of cadets gathered in the main meeting square all in their ordiant uniforms in a bright red with a black cap that was half a foot tall. All of the officers of the school got up on the stage and spoke about
how big of an achievement it was to graduate from the school, and wished them all the luck in the world in which ever regiment they decided to join. It was James' turn to deliver his speach, as was custom for the leader of the cadets. "Hello fellow soldiers,
it has been a magnificent honour to traing along side you, and teach others. For 5 years I have been at this school, and I must say that it has been the best times of my life. Due to this school, I was commissioned by Parliment to raise a new regiment they are planning
, The 1st Royal Lifeguards, It has always been a dream of mine, everything is possible and the officers and soldiers of this school are here to prove that it is. I would personally like to thank all of my cadets for letting me train you, although most of you are still
mentally inept degenerate cunts, most of you did alright and for that I am pround. Cheers to another sucessful 2 years!" Thus ending his speach. "I don't give a fuck about any of those words I said, they can all get blown up by a cannon for all I fucking care", said James to Ragni
as he took his seat, both laughing. Frith got up and gave his goodbye speach and officially ended the training season.
   As James walked out of the school to go to the Flying Squrriel for a final visit for a long time, he sees his mother and his father. His mather, as always, was dressed in a very sluttish manner, yet his father was always dressed nicely in a suit made of the finest cloth
money could buy, "James, my son, you don't believe how pround I am of you", said Murphy. "I have a gift for you." So they both walked back to their wagon and there it was, the most magnificent horse James has ever laid his eyes on. She was a dark brown colour with crystal blue eyes.
"Father! She is amazing! Thank you so much." James screamed in a very joyous manner. "I shall name her...Biscuit!", said. So, he went to the Flying Squirriel and drank all evening long and went back to his quarters for one final time to collect his the last of this things. He slept good that night,
the best he has slept in years, and went he awoke early that morning he cursed out Peter one last time, and mustered his selected men for one last round up and did a roll call. They all mounted their horses and lined up at the gate. "Alright ladies, this is what we have trained for, and what we have been waiting our whole lives for."
Within seconds James kicked his horse into a small walk and then into a fast gallop with his men behind him making a huge dust cloud in their trail. They were on their way to York!

Title: Re: I found this gem lying around - A Song of Bydand and Donations
Post by: Knightmare on June 07, 2017, 09:42:38 pm
I made sure to look at the end first :).
Title: Re: I found this gem lying around - A Song of Bydand and Donations
Post by: Jelly on June 08, 2017, 04:32:56 pm
bring bark jorv rr vasker boi
Title: Re: I found this gem lying around - A Song of Bydand and Donations
Post by: Nero_ on June 08, 2017, 05:14:48 pm
goode memee
Title: Re: I found this gem lying around - A Song of Bydand and Donations
Post by: Jorvasker on June 08, 2017, 08:35:55 pm
bring bark jorv rr vasker boi
how are you you sexi bitch
Title: Re: I found this gem lying around - A Song of Bydand and Donations
Post by: Earth Bby on June 09, 2017, 06:38:29 pm
lol Jorv
Title: Re: I found this gem lying around - A Song of Bydand and Donations
Post by: Le Goob on June 09, 2017, 06:44:01 pm
Keep the donations flowing.
Title: Re: I found this gem lying around - A Song of Bydand and Donations
Post by: Nero_ on June 09, 2017, 06:46:05 pm
Title: Re: I found this gem lying around - A Song of Bydand and Donations
Post by: Ambiguous on June 09, 2017, 06:49:56 pm
good read
Title: Re: I found this gem lying around - A Song of Bydand and Donations
Post by: ~NickCole~ on June 09, 2017, 07:35:28 pm
Pretty good story
Title: Re: I found this gem lying around - A Song of Bydand and Donations
Post by: Jorvasker on June 11, 2017, 07:01:05 am
lol Jorv
ello marksie
Title: Re: I found this gem lying around - A Song of Bydand and Donations
Post by: junedragon on June 14, 2017, 05:03:04 am
Title: Re: I found this gem lying around - A Song of Bydand and Donations
Post by: Knightmare on June 14, 2017, 06:04:03 am
crrrrriiiinggeeyyy ass shit maaannn
Title: Re: I found this gem lying around - A Song of Bydand and Donations
Post by: fireboy on June 15, 2017, 08:49:10 pm
Damn this is a 2012-13 meme I remember I was in one of those chapters
Title: Re: I found this gem lying around - A Song of Bydand and Donations
Post by: Phillyz on June 15, 2017, 08:51:24 pm
Ice bucket challenge, damn that's old now.
Title: Re: I found this gem lying around - A Song of Bydand and Donations
Post by: Jorvasker on June 20, 2017, 09:26:23 pm
yeah boi. too bad I edited out my cringy audio to add hick music