In response to all the drama lately, I've decided to come out of my cave, break my silence, and contribute something worthwhile to the community. The sharing of personal information is terrible and no God-fearing community member of ours should ever engage in such lowly behavior. So like the benevolent player I am, I decided to go out and learn as much as possible about the private lives of the Nr8 because that's what any upstanding citizen of our lovely NW commune would do. I've organized a nice little hit list to even out the cyberbullying playing field:
RussianFury- When he was but 6 years old he was spotted spitting out gum and stuck it to the bottom of his desk in blatant disregard of the fragile peace between the Middle East and Western powers.
Yoshie- Upon further investigation of this allegedly Canadian man, I learned that he isn't who he claims to be at all. He has a dark past, Yoshie was actually originally an extra in the muppets, his short scene was cut from the final version because despite being an extra, he became violently jealous of Kermit for getting more screen time and assaulted him on set. Ever since then he's a highly wanted fugitive of muppet law hiding in the northern Canadian sticks. His poor melee can be justifiably excused due to the fact that he's a puppet and lacks independent finger movement.
Waste- Arguably one of the most villanous characters here, I don't reveal this information with joy, but as a necessary evil to put this menace to society in his place and to quell his very real threat to the cohesion of our community. Originally believed to be a low tier troll and mediocre meleer, his true identity is far more sinister. A Thetan who hails from no physical planet, but was conceived on a civilian cruiser belonging to the ancient Galactic Confederacy 76 million years ago. As an adult, Waste (True name Nebulicon) became a loyal concubine of Lord Xenu himself. Upon arrival to Teegeeack (Human name: Earth) he lost contact with his trusty overlord and embarked on a 75 million year quest to find meaning in life to replace the strong, girthy embrace of Xenu. His quest ended when he finally found a worthy purpose, to reveal the personal information of teenagers playing a highly niche computer game.
Orcaryo- Highly elusive and rarely seen in public, Orcaryo was perhaps the hardest to find of these criminals. After several months of acquiring bits and pieces of evidence, I was able to form a bigger picture. While most of the evidence I gathered seemed trivial on its own, together they revealed the location of this horribly vile trole. My first sighting of him was in an innocent suburb belonging to the greater Chicago area. Stalking him most carefully I watched in disgust as he openly urinated on people's properties, ate vegetation off of their lawns, and defecated with little regard to who witnessed this normally private act. I was appalled that a member of our beloved NW community would conduct themselves so shamelessly reckless in public. I followed Orcaryo until he arrived at his home, trodded over to his desktop, slobbered over the filthy dirt matted keys, and proceeded to join NA GF under the guise of a normal member of society. The horribly ugly truth behind this most disgusting trole is that he is most definitely not a normal member of society, but a yellow lab fitted with cutting edge bark-to-speech technology. This remorseless creature cares not of the basic human values that allow society to thrive in relative peace. He must be stopped at all costs.
I've done my part, now I call our community to use this highly sensitive and valuable information to end the turmoil in our forums and clear our servers of the dark clouds looming above us all.
