Mikey
HiReaper: What's your opinion on this current League and are you interested in the future of NA NW and future leagues?
Mikey: I think this draft league has been great with Risk and Xethos both doing great jobs setting it up and keeping it running. It's a good switch from the previous two Godfreid leagues that were more rapid fire and teams seemed to take less seriously with their scrim schedules. As for the future, I think this sets up our region well in multiple ways. Adding League 2 back into the mix seemed to be a risky decision. With our declining player base and limited signups from previous leagues. Even with these concerns, the second league turned out to be a great implication. It has been highly competitive with multiple teams gunning for the title. Whether the next league decides to continue League 2, or just go to a 1 league system, this current League 2 sets our community up well with many players (Artanis, Evan, Matlord, Killershark, Antidote, Wolfe, and like all of movements team ) showing they can carry and eventually if not now compete in League 1.
HiReaper: How do you feel your current team complexion compares to your previous team GVT (Winners of the Last League)?
Mikey: I think a major reason why my last team was able to win the previous league was due to the casualness of the previous league. We used little to no strategy and many of the rounds were won off of pure mechanics and individual efforts. My previous team scrimmed maybe 5 times all season but due to no other team scrimming, we didn't fall behind. All 4 of my starters (Mikey Wastee Svenypoo Souljaboy) got along extremely well and even down 0-2 in the playoffs to Horses team, we were still able to regain composure laughing and joking our way into the reverse sweep. We carried that momentum to upset the giga-stacked Jaax Yoloswag team and eventually swept Piktonss and his squad in the Finals. This league having a prizepool made me think teams would be sweatier. Due to this, I wanted to draft players that would fit my “system” rather than just the best player available which is what I did the previous league. This strategy seems to have worked so far but only time will tell.
HiReaper: As one of the more "newer" players to quickly improve and even get into leading, what would you recommend to other players who wish to improve like you did?
Mikey: I think the biggest step to improvement is being open to advice. Finding good advice can be hard, and I was lucky enough to find the correct mentors. I was lucky enough to find great ones (Zeyden, Anthony)and became a sponge taking advice and applying that to my game. Finding a mentor like that can be hard, and the best advice I can give there is to just ask. If you’re a League 2 player look toward your League 1 teammates. If mentors are out of the question, you can still do plenty on your own. Recording your gameplay is key and you should be watching back your perspective to see what you did correctly and incorrectly. Study that shit and you will improve quickly. Finally, without proper reps, you won't improve. Scrim Scrim Scrim Scrim, James, and his team were 0-3 heading towards the halfway point but, with their hard work and scrimming nearly every day, they turned it around and are now one of the teams to beat.
HiReaper: Which players/teams do you think are currently overperforming or underperforming with their lineups?
Mikey: This can be tough as not everybody has the same opinions on player skill and playstyle but, it's generally accepted that svenypoo isn't a dogshit bot. He and I won a chip last draft league and all of a sudden dude can't play. I would say they turned it around hard after that 0-3 wakeup call and he is playing much better but still for his metrics he is underperforming. I would say as a whole again all of Movement’s League 1 team is overperforming. I knew with a quality leader who can make mid-round calls like Movement, they would be fine but, they are currently one of the best teams in the league and can easily make that title run with Jaax and Kore both having top K/Ds and First Blood ratios. This is with Godfreid, who easily has one of his best leagues. His being able to lock down a player for a while match while also dropping impressive scores and never losing duels makes that trio the perfect storm to wreck teams. The more I talk about their team the more it sounds like they aren't overperforming at all. But they sure did overperform my expectation. Finally, Vertildr just keeps playing better. In each league his K/D rises and while K/D is everything he also passes the eye test.
HiReaper: Do you think player skill has increased hugely yearly and have player styles become more commonly stale(people playing the same way)?
Mikey: The skill level may have peaked at around 2020 maybe early 2021. Our community's skill level seemed to have maintained or gotten worse and seems to finally be increasing again hopefully to return back to our highs of lockdown. I think this is due to a couple of factors. Firstly our community has decreased in size by a decent amount and has sort of flat-lined. This brings less competition and creates less drive for those to improve. The second and I think the larger reason was the casual nature I mentioned previously of the previous two Godfreid leagues. With teams rarely scrimming over those months, and little to no one-day tournaments, players had few opportunities to improve. As for play styles, I think our community is adapting more range into our group fighting. This change in meta is like any other change and there will be those who like and equally dislike it. My team has adapted to this playstyle well with our wall players strictly fighting for prio and our 2nd in and mid players playing off that prio. I know people don't enjoy playing against it, with one anonymous top player being quoted saying "It is literally the least enjoyable experience of my fucking life dealing with your Europoor fucking ass playstyle". Regardless, this is the way the meta has seemed to of shifted and to keep up you will have to adapt ( learn how to range and playoff priority and pressure) or die
Jaax
HiReaper: What are your thoughts on your team's chances to win this League?
Jaax: I believe we have a good chance, but we need to stop throwing away our advantages.
HiReaper: As one of the most consistent players on NA, what are your thoughts on the activity of NA NW and is there a future beyond this league?
Jaax: NA nw has always been slowly declining in player pool, yet we still have league after league.
HiReaper: If you had to pick a 5 man dream team, who would you pick and why?
Jaax: Me, Yoshie, Yolo, Cwater, and Russian
HiReaper: As a player, you have a more unique range style compared to other NA players, being more reminiscent of certain EU players. Who would you say has inspired your playstyle throughout your time playing?
Jaax: Ranging has never been a focus of my playstyle, but it seems more prevalent these days so why not, and my playstyle is more influenced from Yoshie and Russian
HiReaper: How do you feel your personal skill level is at this moment in time compared to the skill level in the community, also do you feel your skill level is at an all-time high?
Jaax: I believe my skill level is near the top of the community, but as I play less, and the community plays less, the skill level is stagnating and worsening. Right now, my skill level is by far on the lower side compared to a couple of years ago, since I heavily rely on my tap blocking and reaction time to save me, but as I play less the muscle memory is not always there.
HiReaper: In your opinion, what does it take to reach to the very top and be established for years and evolve with the “meta”?
Jaax: To be the best you must beat the best. Learn your playstyle and try to practice the mechanics, this game is all about repetition, so you have to put in the time.
Piktonss
Mikey: What's your opinion on this current League compared to previous leagues (NWCL 1&2, Wastee Leagues, and Godfreids)?
Piktonss: All leagues to me are the same.
Mikey: How do you feel your current team stacks up compared to previous teams you have played on, as well as the league competition?
Piktonss: Compared to the last few previous teams I have been on Cream Team is most likely the worst one, I still believe we aren't bottom of the barrel of this current league but only time can tell moving forward.
Mikey: While you have been a top player for some time now, It seems you have hit that top echelon of players. Do you think this is the best you have ever been and, what can you credit this continued growth to?
Piktonss: Nah I fell off due to many reasons including myself. What I found interesting this league however are the amount of people who boast about there KD after playing on my opinion the most stacked team this league not naming any names.Teams in previous leagues have had rough starts and in some cases bad overall regular seasons, then after arriving at playoffs things just start clicking.
Mikey: What qualities do teams need to do this and do you think your current team can have such a comeback?
Piktonss: Teams got to learn what mistakes they made in the preseason and adapt from those mistakes during playoffs. With me on the field my team can definitely make a comeback.
Mikey: As somebody who has played NW at the highest level for several years, how in your opinion, if at all, did the game and "meta" change? How did you adapt to any changes and where do you think the meta will head from 2023 +?
Piktonss: I am the meta no need to adapt to change, the meta will follow me as we progress through 2023 and beyond.
Movement
HiReaper: What are your thoughts on the league and your team so far? Any huge challenges to overcome? Or is the composition of your team already solid?
Movement: League 1 seems to be more evenly matched than ever; all matches are close, whilst League 2 has more significant team discrepancies. This league is more reliant on the players who are still motivated to win and truly want to play the game, as opposed to the majority who only show up for scrims or matches. For GBB, enjoying each other's company was the most important factor. We looked for the most effective way to play as a team after I drafted a majority of my friends or other players with who I like playing the game with.
HiReaper: You've capitalised on an excellent opportunity with Kore(7th on the leaderboards), A solid EU player whos currently residing in the States. Do you think you will able to replace some of his impact once he leaves?
Movement: I was impressed by Kore, especially considering that he was playing without his usual setup and was still getting used to a bunch of new things. He is performing well, and as someone who has been my teammate in EU for more than four or five years, it makes me happy to watch him succeed. There shouldn't be any concern about his anticipated leave because everything has already been planned within our team. This is the reason I didn't pick him in L1 for the draft. Once he returns home, he can enjoy in playing L2 while still making his mark.
HiReaper: Which players do you think are candidates for MVP of the league? Are there any players who you think are clearly over/underperforming?
Movement: In my opinion, there is no obvious MVP. Because teams play the game differently, I don't think stats should be the most important factor, but if I had to name a few players who could win MVP, they would be: Piktonss, Mikey, Cwater, Kore and Jaax. While it may be easier for some players to perform well or put up a strong statline, others such as Piktonss, must 1v6 a team in order to make their match competitive. Personally, I believe that the MVP will be more easily recognized after all of the regular-season matches.
HiReaper: As a leader of one of the greatest EU competitive teams (Proud Boys), how do you feel your leading experience translates into the numerous amount of NA teams you've led? Do you implement rotation gameplay alot or is it more simple line-based?
Movement: It's a mix of both. As someone who was one of the first to implement a more rotation based groupfighting style, this does not work on NA in certain scenarios. While NA loves to play more aggressively and run it down, EU depends more on tactics and punishing errors. Shotcalling can help us win matches where the odds seemed to be against us, but it can also sometimes be confusing and lead to overly aggressive plays. My previous experience as a captain has been really beneficial to my teams, however the biggest issue I notice with my teams in NA is their commitment to staying focused to the very end. While we often get off to a great start, as the season goes on, players begin to lose interest.
HiReaper: On NA, you play with a consistent 125 ping+, How is it possible to play competitive with such a high ping? Do you feel like GFing experience/gamesense is being hugely restricted or have you compensated enough with your experience in NA comp(093)?
Movement: It's different, and it prevents me from playing exactly how I want to. Each region has a different style from me, and the servers in NW at the moment aren't the best either. Finding my most comfortable style is still something I have to do because when I initially began playing NA NW, there was a different server location that seemed more comfy for me. The main problem, in my opinion and this applies to many of us, including myself is that the game isn't played consistently. For about a year or so, NA wasn't even able to host matchmaking, and there are no active servers to play on or warm up on.
HiReaper: How is the future of NW right now (EU&NA) for you? Do you feel as if the game will still have this dedicated playerbase within the EU side as on NA or will both crumble with the advent of Bannerlord?
Movement: The NW era is over, this includes both regions. This isn't because of Bannerlord or anything like. Rather, it's because players lost interest in the game after a while and either got older and tired of it or simply found interest in other games. This game is unlike any other since we need to actually rely on eachother to play it. Without a dedicated player base, there is no gameplay. The "NW is dying" meme has been around for a long time, but the genuine decline in players has only been noticeable in the last one to two years. After the lockdown era, I personally lost all of my dedication and drive, and after these last few tournaments, I will be quitting the game. As I have already deleted my FSE account, shows how I lost interest about NW overall.
James
Mikey: How has your experience been captaining Le Bleus in this current draft league? How does this experience compare to previous leagues both as a captain and as a player? (NWCL 1&2, Wastee Leagues, and Godfreids)
James: It's all been a good experience overall with all the leagues. It had ups and downs, but I can't complain too much.
Mikey: Halfway through the league, your team was sitting at the bottom of the table. While you were losing close matches, the possibility of missing the playoffs was closing in fast. After that 0-3 point, your squad has yet to lose a match. What factors do you think contributed to both a rough start and the miraculous mid-season resurgence you are currently experiencing?
James: What caused us to start 0-3 was mainly our lack of playing with each other, people needing to understand their roles on the team, and trying to make plays that were not there in the first place or when necessary. I will say we did get a bit unlucky in some moments, and the majority of the time, we shot ourselves in the foot in that 0-3 run, but thankfully we turned it around. Svenypoo and Soulja have greatly improved since our 0-3 start. Their ability to adapt from that point to now has been a significant factor in our ability to regain our position in a playoff spot. Horse and Vlad were the main consistent factors throughout the tournament, and that has also contributed to our winning and our close losses because, without that, we would've been out of it. Overall everyone has improved and maintained a consistent form, and that caused us to beat teams that we were not favored to win after going 0-3.
Mikey: With the overall number of events and practice group fights falling many of our NA players have taken time playing and learning about the EU region. As somebody who did this what skills did you learn/practice (if any) while playing in European tournaments? Do you think this is a viable way of improving regardless of the ping discrepancies?
James: Some things I did pick up with my time in EU are understanding when and where to push and when to get counter picks and maintaining a priority on the man across from me to allow my team and me to control what is going on the majority of the time. Playing this style can be used by any player regardless of their ping.
Mikey: Touching back on you being both a player and captain on many draft league teams, Give me your dream team roster for both a 4v4 and 6v6 draft league. This can include any player former/current but they had to of been a former teammate of yours.
James: For 4v4, I would select Horse, Dio, Jorge, and Russian. For 6v6, those same four, but add Svenypoo but the AFK Dad of the Year version when he doesn't say it, and Maccle. No reason exactly; I just want to see who could drop the more racial slurs per minute between Horse and Russian. A serious 4v4/6v6 would be Me, Piktonss, Cwater, Horse, then add Yoshie and Godfreid for 6v6.
Mikey: At this point of the season, who would you consider are the three MVP candidates for both league 1 and league 2?
James: For L1, I would choose Horse, Cwater, and Jaax in the running for the top 3 in no particular order. Hard for me to rate Mikey and Risk since they play together and have a giga team. It's easy to play well in a team like that and would be more impressive to fuck that up if we're honest. I rate their level of play, but it's easier and more relaxed than it would be if they were on different rosters. Horse has impressed me with his ability to bounce back from our team's 0-3 start and is the focal point of our team in general, so he deserves all praise and is an underrated top 3 selection. Jaax and Cwater are very obvious why they are here, although the argument could also be made for Jaax's teammate Kore in the running. He has performed at a high level and, at times, been the better player or the key to their offense. Cwater has had his usual consistent frag carry to play with some critical high-level play from his two key counterparts, Oatmeal and Vertildr (Camden, but he chooses to cringe and call himself this -_-). These three players are my top 3 favorites, with Kore, Mikey, Risk, and Vertildr coming in as the following people. For L2, I would select Dio, My entire top 4, and Evan as the favorites for MVP. They have performed very well, and I know it's kind of crazy not to pick Kore here, but I think it's too obvious, and his play means more in L1 than L2, although he is the offense for his L2 team.
Mikey: Finally, which teams in your opinion have a chance to win it all? Which team if any, do you see potentially ending your team's winning streak? And lastly, Which individual players are over/underperforming?
James: I would have to pick my team to have the best chance of winning this tournament. We have been streaking and playing at a high level since our 0-3 start, and it's hard for me to imagine that ending. The remaining two matches will be demanding and challenging, but we have learned from our mistakes. The last go around with them, and we will use that to our advantage. Lastly, I would have to choose myself as underperforming
Oatmeal
Mikey: What has your experience been like playing in NWCL season 3? Is it any different to you than previous draft leagues and are you looking forward to the future of NA NW?
Oatmeal: I’m enjoying this league; I think the maps are a little big but I’m glad the regular seasons matter again. I still enjoy playing so I hope there are more leagues in the future.
Mikey: As a player who has won multiple leagues, what does it take to win it all? Which of these qualities does your current team have that are similar to those on your previous winning teams?
Oatmeal: The mental aspect of nw is always severely underrated, it’s hard to win when you can’t focus on playing. Experience matters too, and I think every player on this team has valuable experience.
Mikey: As previously mentioned, you have competed and won multiple draft leagues. From these teams, build me an all-time 5v5 team that you think could dominate this current league.
Oatmeal: VetroG, MATT, Hawkince, RussianFury, and Yoshie. What a spectacle this team would be.
Mikey: As a player who was once known to be on pub duel challenging players to ft7s, do you miss the days of ft7s and, do you think the lack of dueling has made our community more or less skilled? Finally, Which top player would you 7-0 without question?
Oatmeal: a. There was nothing like going from NA GF to the duel server to lose 7-1 to a top player. Those days are over though now, and I like groupfighting a lot more now anyways.
b. First off this is a great question Mikey, I have some strong opinions here actually! Dueling (while wkeying and focusing on chambers, stuns, footwork etc) is the best way to build solid mechanics. Solid mechanics are the best way to close the gap on the more experienced players. A lot of players who came up in the last 4-5 years know how to do nothing but block/survive so they fucking suck.
c. I have 7-0d Yoshie multiple times and I would again, he copied a lot of moves from my playstyle and thinks they’d work on me. He still plays bannerlord so this answer counts.
Mikey: Just before this interview, your team (STS) experienced a massive 2-0 victory over GBB. You and Cwater combined for 60 on the last map. What did your team do differently to prepare for this matchup and do you think STS can continue this form into the playoffs?
Oatmeal: a. Cwater picks me on every team for a reason, I’m a class player on my best day.
b. We switched around the matchups quite a bit after being 0-3 and have improved to 3-4 since then. We’re that gritty 8 seed you don’t want to matchup with.
Mikey: Finally, Which players in your opinion are underperforming, and which ones are overperforming in this league?
Oatmeal: a. Underperformers: me, horse’s whole team, ghostrider, glenn (I think glenn has the perfect playstyle to be an L1 5th man, step up son)
i. Dreadful: babyj,
b. Overperformers: kore, hireaper, vertildr, theodin
Horse
HiReaper: As one of the most dominant flank players on NA, what really molded your style into what it is now? Has playing with top players like Yoshie helped or did getting experience on EU assist you?
Horse: I do credit my jump in skill from mediocre North and South player to being considered somewhat good at this game from when I began hanging around and playing with the guys in the 40th, (Yoloswag, Yoshie, Cwater,jaax, etc) Being around and playing with these guys really helped me learn and get better. I would duel and play with Yoshie almost every day so he had a big impact on the foundation of my style and taught me plenty of good (and bad) habits. Playing EU allowed me to become a better group fighter and taught me the concept of offensive/defensive ranging. EU taught me to play more passively and modestly and changed my style from hyper-aggressive retard to at least in my opinion a safer playstyle where I actually think before I act.
HiReaper: Do you feel you are at an all time high in your skill level, or do you feel you could grow and become even better?
Horse: I would say mechanically I was at my best in the summer of 2022 on GVT with Mikey, Hawkince, and Truth. I was at the top of my game across the board from group fighting and even in dueling which is something I've always considered a weak point of mine. I could easily improve in all aspects of my game, but atm a weak point of mine in this league is def my ability to block up downs, I tend to play spacing more, and honestly, I've become ass at blocking or die to silly foot lances more than I wish I did.
HiReaper: Being one of the top players still remaining in the community, how do you think groupfighting has changed over the years on NA (meta or player skill wise)?
Horse: NA NW id say has gone through quite a change over the years esp in the group fighting department. I think we became a lot more organized when COVID came around and a lot of NA players went over to EU and began playing a good amount over there and slowly we began to learn from them. If you watch videos from 2018/19 and even 2020 our group fighting was messy and much more a battle of players throwing their individual skills around rather than a team working together. People tend to bitch about how we "play like EUs' now and how it's cringe etc, but in my opinion, we were clearly lacking in the groupfighting department and this was just us actually learning how actually to play organized and like a team. Anyone who complains about the state of group fighting nowadays just wants to either Duel, play like we are on BoB_Groupfighting, or is just stuck in the past.
HiReaper: Who is the player you hate(d) fighting the most and why? Who is the player you enjoy(ed) playing the most with and why?
Horse: The player I say I hated playing against the most would have to be Anthony, his style I feel just countered me well and I'd always find myself playing too aggressively or getting myself caught out. A player I really enjoy playing with would have to be Theodin. His vibes are great and he's always committed to winning and the team. I tend to get tilted really hard if things aren't going how I intended and it was always great to have a guy like Theo on your team for the sake of morale. People love to joke about him being "DSB" or dog shit bot but besides the vibes, he is also a solid player and can drive you crazy with his down stabs.
HiReaper: Which players or teams do you think are currently overperforming or underperforming with their lineups? Is there any L2 player who might be suited for L1 next season?
Horse: For overperforming id have to go with Mr.Camdenj56, Camden is a great player but I don't think anyone expected him to go as crazy as he's been going throughout this league. He is leading the league in first bloods and sometimes he can just go crazy and cut through teams like they are butter. I'd say most of creamteam is underperforming besides Piktonss, I expected more out of players like wastee/babyj, they seem to be struggling for one reason or another this league. For L2 id say, Evan, he has dominated League 2 and had a great match when he was called up to L1 against my team. He would def make a roster spot for an L1 team next season.
HiReaper: Lastly, what are your main challenges (as a player and as a team) to overcome in the upcoming weeks and heading into the playoffs?
Horse: For me personally I would say tilt, I can lose my composure if I'm playing badly or we are losing in general. It is def something I should work on for the betterment of the team. For les bleus as a whole id say we need to work on not throwing advantages and taking blocks when we should, it has plagued us throughout the league and if we want any chance of winning it is something we need to work on.
Cwater
Mikey: What has your experience been like playing in NWCL season 3? Compared to previous leagues, what's different, and do you look forward to future leagues?
Cwater: Awful. Every moron plays like they've got their 2 trans dads watching over their shoulder and a gun pointed to their head. Whilst this in-and-of itself isn't necessarily unusual, the fact remains that since certain individuals - who shall remain nameless - have begun importing their brain-dead and skill-less playstyles over to NA, the average shitter has realized that utilizing skill simply requires too much effort, and that they would rather substitute patience to compensate for their own ineptitude. When people see someone W-keying nowadays, they turn and run like they're a dinosaur seeing the fucking extinction meteor rocketing towards them. It's rather pathetic.
*It's rather pathetic and all hope is lost for NW's future.
Mikey: At one point your team was 0-3, what caused such a poor start and what do you think contributed to the mid-season recovery that has seemed to save the season?
Cwater: A variety of factors have contributed to our late season rebound. Actually, that's a lie. The sole contributing factor to our downfall was that I wasn't carrying hard enough. Having not had the opportunity to grind 25 hours a day prior to the season unlike the majority of you sweaty retards, I entered the season at a mere fraction of my power which, though diminished, still far exceeded every other player in the game. Despite my extraordinary abilities however, my team's own inability to tell friend from foe ultimately proved too great a challenge to overcome at the time, in addition to a certain cereal's lack of stamina, Camden's extreme racism affecting his ability to captain, Wall making a run for DSB of the year, and Viper having the most FBs in the league...on teammates. Despite all these aforementioned issues continuing unabated, I have managed to improve sufficiently enough to be able to throw my entire team in a school lunchbox and carry them to the majority of our wins like the unwanted Uncrustables they are.
Mikey: From league to league, there are always a few players that either over or underperform. Who in your opinion has performed above your expectations and who has been under them?
Cwater: No one has performed above expectations in my opinion. In fact, due in no small part to the recent, precipitous drop in player skill, I would say the vast majority of players are currently under-performing or experiencing lackluster results relative to prior seasons. The only surprising aspect has been the degree to which certain players are under-performing. Horse, for example, has recently been touted as a top-3 player by certain individuals. This season however, he appears to be playing all his matches whilst being anal-raped by a baboon, and his results have suffered accordingly. Admittedly, calling his team 'trash' would be an insult to the word, but my point remains that truly elite players should be able to perform regardless of the personnel around them. BabyJ's entire team is in a similar situation, and I can't think of a single one of them that has had a particularly good season.
Mikey: For at least two years now, you have been considered one of if not the best player in the game. No matter the team, you always manage to finish as the player with the highest k/D while also winning or being runners-up. Why are you able to be so consistent and do you see yourself slowing down anytime soon?
Cwater: A combination of genetics as well as the mental fortitude to withstand the incessant clarion call of retardation being expelled from the mouth of every NW player. It is a proven statistic that those with a higher-percentage of Aryan genetic ancestry are better at NW and, as a pure blooded member of the master race myself, it only makes sense that I would be the best. For those with an inferior genetic history, I would recommend skin-lightening surgery in order so that you might gain some vicarious benefit. Especially players such as JerryOs - aka 'AmbooshBoog' - who, despite being from the whitest state in the Union, somehow maintains a pigmentation color which falls far-south of the equator. As for slowing down, I've already been walking for years, I'm just lucky that the rest of you are in wheelchairs.
Mikey: As somebody who has played in countless leagues and tournaments, you have had your fair share of stacked teams. Looking back, which of these rosters was the best, worst, and most fun to play on?
Cwater: As is probably fairly evident, the enjoyability of any specific team is almost entirely dependent on the personalities and skills of the individual players who comprise it. I think it should be apparent who the best are, what I find more interesting, however, are the societal dregs which make up the worst NW has to offer. First off, Risk. If I looked up stupid in the dictionary, Risk's name probably wouldn't be there because he never graduated kindergarten and I'm not certain he has the mental faculties to be able to spell his own name let alone make use of a dictionary. Considering his SIGNIFICANT intellectual regression, it's a wonder that this manchild managed to accidentally install NW, and play 4,000 hours whilst waiting for Christmas to come so he can watch children's movies with 10% ratings on RottenTomatoes until his rapidly-dwindling IQ finally drops to 0. He has the taste and abilities of an autistic 4-year old, and the personality to match. Despite this, he is somehow not the worst player I've had the misfortune to play with. Stwykie of House Wykie, Jerry 'I live in a cardboard box' Os, Mikey 'The Man Gobbler' Michaels and VeTroglodyteG all deserve honorable mentions on this list of WOATS. The award for worst teammate of all time, however, probably goes to the donkey himself, Jeffery 'Horse' Dahmer. Besides being a certified sex-offender in at least 3 counties in the state of Massachusetts, Horse also suffers from a chronic condition known simply as 'Weeb'. For nigh on the past decade, he has spent several hours a night cloistered in his basement with an underaged Turkish peasant boy, performing unspeakable acts of depravity in his ongoing quest to attain something known as a 'Waifu'. Despite me having taken this disturbing information to authorities, this depraved fugitive has gone into hiding in the jungles of Cambodia and, as of this moment, is still at large. If you are an e-girl, e-boy, or e-thing under the age of 14 who also plays League of Legends, I implore you to lock your doors at night and to report any suspicious activity to the national pedophile hotline at 1-800-843-5678.
Mikey: Finally, you and your teammate Oatmeal always seem to end up on the same team. Why do you two make such a good pairing and do you think your current team has what it takes to win it all?
Cwater: In the tradition of saving the worst for last; Oatmeal. Despite appearances, I do not pick Oatmeal due to his skill, or really any defining positive characteristic in the traditional sense. Much in the way that Gary Vee attempts to swindle grandmothers of their antiquated trash for pennies on the dollar, I swindle antiquated trash players from the hands of NW's gremlins and gremlettes. Oatmeal is an NW cretin in the truest sense, and he has the accolades to match. Most thrown map 3s, most times having his back blown out whilst playing NW, and most tks whilst out of range of any enemy are simply a select few of his dozens of impressive NW achievements. He's my rock, and by rock I mean the boulder that Sisyphus is forced to roll up a hill for eternity, always falling back to the ground just prior to reaching the pinnacle. Due to his obvious lack of value, many captains - probably correctly - allow him to fall to later rounds where I, as a good Samaritan, pluck him from his squalor and rehabilitate him as a charitable act...and also as a tax-write off. That being said, I love my little Cinnamon Toast Crunch, and I wouldn't trade for the world, unless the world was a better player. Goodnight and goodmorrow my fellow NW-ians, may the sun never rise on your good fortune.
*trade him for the world
