I'm a bit fucked in the head right now so forgive my unpleasant formatting as I attempt to dissect the female anatomy in a simplistic and somewhat digestible manner.
Some of this will be conjecture, but I will reference sources and provide them as necessary. Also a bit of a warning, going down this rabbit hole can make some people uncomfortable; don't read unless you are absolutely certain that concepts such as "true love" exist.
Introduction:Most societies in the world believe in ideas of monogamy. It has become my belief that this is an ideal that can never be fully realized due to the primordial instincts of the human species.
The cycle shift hypothesis:If you are somewhat versed in the world of evolutionary psychology, you can skip this part.
What is the cycle shift hypothesis?The ovulatory shift hypothesis is the theory that women experience evolutionarily adaptive changes in subconscious thoughts and behaviors related to mating across the ovulatory cycle. (1)
What does this imply?Numerous studies have shown that women’s sexual preferences change throughout the ovulatory cycle, heavily indicating evidence in favor of the good genes hypothesis.
Okay so what is the good genes hypothesis?The good genes hypothesis states that a female's ideal mate choice among potential mates is one whose genes will produce male offspring with the best chance of reproductive success. This also implies that a potential mate's capacity as a parental caregiver or any other direct benefits the father can offer the mother, such as nuptial gifts or good territory, are irrelevant to his value as the potential father of the female's offspring. (2)
Okay, so what evidence do we have to support the good genes hypothesis?1. Women’s sexual preferences during the ovulatory cycle:The following studies show that when women are fertile, they feel significant increased attraction towards:
-more masculine faces (6)
-more symmetrical faces and bodies (7)
-the scent of men with more symmetrical faces and bodies (7)
-more physically fit men (7)
-more domineering behavior (9)
-more competitive behavior (9)
2. During their most fertile phase, women fantasize about sexual encounters with men who are not their current partner, and experience decreased satisfaction with their current partner:
Extra-pair copulation occurs when an individual mates outside of his/her own monogamous pairing. This (3) study shows that:
-women reported greater sexual interest in, and fantasy about, non–primary partners near ovulation than during the luteal phase;
-women did not report significantly greater sexual interest in, and fantasy about, primary partners near ovulation
And this (4) study shows that:
-pair-bonded women who were near ovulation reported greater extra-pair flirtation
-these effects were exhibited primarily by women who perceived their partners to be low on hypothesized good genes indicators (low in sexual attractiveness relative to investment attractiveness)
3. During their most fertile phase, women who have partners with imperfect genes (or asymmetrical faces) felt less close to their partner and were more critical of their partner's faults (5) (11)
4. When women are at their least fertile, they are more attracted to (11):-warmth
-faithfulness
-agreeableness
-resources and wealth
5. Women who self report less attraction to the physical characteristics mentioned previously have lower self esteem (or perceive themselves as less attractive). ( (12)The general idea:Evolutionary psychology tells us that women are likely to experience a dichotomy of sexual attraction. If they can’t find a mate who can maintain their sexual desire while they are ovulating, they will feel a desire to seek out a mate with better genes to reproduce with. Women feel unattractive when they are paired with a genetically inferior mate and this drives their self esteem down. This can result in relationship problems that can serve as an excuse or justification of extra-pair copulation.
Okay but why does this all matter? How does this contradict ideas of love and monogamy?Love in our society is deemed as a true attraction and infatuation with another person. Being with someone who you instinctively don’t want to reproduce with is a sign that their primary function is to serve as a provider of care and resources for a baby that isn’t genetically their own. This contradicts the idea that “there is someone for everyone” and rather implies that evolution has guided us towards a more efficient (but unfortunately less humanistic) system.
Situations like this one:
https://i.redd.it/v8tz2c2pxia11.jpg revolve around the idea that women don’t enjoy being with someone who makes them feel unattractive. When someone with good genes offers to have sexual intercourse with them, they feel desired and then blame it on the husband (the one who subconsciously makes them feel unattractive through their unattractiveness) for not making them feel desired. In reality, there is not much the husband can to do fix this, because her lack of satisfaction comes from a sexual place, not an emotional one.
Some final words:This is all a part of human evolution and has genetically gotten us to where we are today. I am not hating on women nor do I intend for this to be sexist, I’m really just a scientist who likes to analyze data. I did lurk r/incels but I myself am reasonably attractive and am not an incel. I thought their point of view was scattered, but intriguing. I still think they are wrong about most things, but in terms of evolutionary psychology they are mostly correct.
Resources (just going to put links to each corresponding reference here, not really a point in using APA format on it.):(1)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ovulatory_shift_hypothesis(2)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexy_son_hypothesis(3)
http://rspb.royalsocietypublishing.org/content/269/1494/975(4)
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16403409(5)
https://www.semanticscholar.org/paper/Changes-in-women's-feelings-about-their-romantic-Larson-Haselton/84b9bce1b832abf443e0c2b2c3c57fac300c79e1(6)
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1090513899000331(7)
http://rspb.royalsocietypublishing.org/content/272/1576/2023.short(8
https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/f605/64ae0af84e5aa32d601fbb6435b66cd94f9c.pdf(9)
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15016293(10)
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1559901/(11)
https://www.semanticscholar.org/paper/Changes-in-women%27s-mate-preferences-across-the-Gangestad-Garver-Apgar/1433d210487ae0392d62a0445ee86a129ed5c092(12)
https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/a2a1/e27346b5945b7b3155683536c89b5f435685.pdf