The Myth of the REJEBORN
Part One: Dark Beginnings
The year was 1779, and it was a dark and thunderous night in Winchester, England. A young woman, swollen with pregnancy, and her male friend had camped in a stable near an inn, which was unfortunately full. While she was in labour, three wise guys came to the stable, weighed down by treasure chests of gold and gifts. They said that they had come to offer gifts to the King of the Blobmanians, and they had followed the brightest star of a new constellation of a mushroom cloud to reach their destination. Unfortunately for the wise men, the inhabitants of the nearby inn, and the mother and “just a friend”, the baby that was soon born was absurdly violent and slew them all. The incident became known to locals as the East Winchester Massacre, and was a great mystery.
The psychotic infant crawled away from the scene, and while crawling, slipped down a steep cliff into the great Antarctic Ocean. For most newborn children, this would have been a one-way journey, but there was a pod of great white sharks at the scene, and having seen his feats of battle at the stable, they admired his ferocity and took him under their wing.
Killington’s baby pictures The child was raised by those sharks into a peerless predator, and by the age of 14 he completed his test of manhood by sinking a frigate with a number of well-placed punches and bites.
It was this feat that caused the King of Britannia, Duke Wellington, to take notice of the shark population in the Antarctic Channel separating the great island nation from France. For years, the body of water had been infested, to the point of making swimming a recklessly dangerous activity, and there was already a 100 schilling bounty on any shark caught in those waters. Duke Wellington increased the bounty to 500 schillings, in an effort to reduce the population and make the area safe again, but this only increased the frequency of attacks; there were more fishermen hunting the sharks, but with the child at the sharks’ lead, the fishermen were the hunted.
Annoyed at the failure of the bounty, Duke Wellington rounded up the best of the best in the field, and went out himself to hunt down the sharks. He commissioned a special ironclad ship, which the sharks could not possibly bite through. Indeed, the sharks could not penetrate the metallic hull, and they instead circled the ship, while the child climbed aboard to slay the crew. There, he met the Duke, and after he slew the entire crew, he casually remarked that the Duke needed a bigger boat. The Duke recognized the incredible talent for slaughter held by this boy, and offered to adopt him and train as his own. The boy accepted, and was christened Bicep Danger Killington, in honour of the many he had killed. Without the leadership of the boy, the shark attacks returned to the previous levels, and the channel was safe once more.
Duke Wellington sent the boy to the Royal St. McEwan Kill-Deathing Military Academy in London. Unfortunately, young Bicep was involved with a number of “accidents” that were gratuitously fatal for others involved. Despite his and the Duke’s assurances that they were only accidents, he was very near to being expelled for his indiscriminate killings.
Modern Dramatized Biopic of Killington’s School Days
Part Two: Total War
Luckily, in 1803 Napoleon declared war on the civilized world of Britannia, Russia, Prussia, and the Netherlands. The Duke of Wellington formed the 25th “Wellington’s Fist” Regiment of Foot Horse, led by the Second-Lieutenant-Adjutant-Colonel Killington. Throughout the war, the 25th Regiment of Foot Horse was the premier fighting force of the Coalition.
Our historians actually have no idea who he’s stabbing, but whoever they are, they obviously got on the wrong side of Democracy Killington was known for his brutal tactics, driving his troops to their physical limits and beyond, and he was a master of psychological warfare. He never took prisoners, and when he captured an enemy general, he always fought them one on one with bayonets.
In 1815, Napoleon and his generals marched on Quatre-Bas, where they were met by the forces of the Coalition, and the 25th Regiment of Foot Horse performed quite bravely. It was during this battle that a cannonball was fired directly at the Duke Wellington. Killington was by his side, and having saw the projectile incoming, he stabbed the cannonball with his bayonetted-sword and deflected it towards General Ney.
This saved the Duke Wellington and killed Ney, but alas the sword shattered in the deed, and a splinter damaged the hero’s eye beyond repair. In celebration of his heroism, after the battle Killington found the corpse of Ney and devoured his heart to absorb Ney's power.
Unfortunately this brutality did not bode entirely well for him. Napoleon’s spy network was all throughout the Coalition, and they exacerbated existing rumours that declared Killington to be a demon. Of course this was true, and did indeed explain the man’s glorious combat capability, and despite the hundreds of constables slain in the attempt, the Second-Lieutenant-Adjutant-Colonel was captured, and was set to be burned at the stake. Tragically, the instant that he was lit, there was a bright flash, instantly followed by a great shockwave and searing heat. The crowd that had gathered to watch was slain by the explosion, as were the rest of the 25th Regiment of Foot Horse, who had come to see off their glorious commander. No remains of Killington were ever found at the explosion site.
We don’t get it either With the greatest bayonet-fighter and commander of men the world had ever seen "dead", Napoleon had little difficulty in the war, winning countless victory after victory against the allied forces. As a desperate tactic, Austrian occult scientists developed a zombie plague, and it destroyed the French forces almost single-handedly in a month’s time.
The coalition rejoiced, but it was soon apparent that the Austrians would not stop there, they intended to conquer the world with their new super-weapon.
At the behest of their Austrian masters, the zombies ravaged the countryside of continental Europe, and they had reached Waterloo, where the remnants of the Prussian, British, and Dutch forces waited to die with honour.
In the peak of the battle, as men from both sides fell to the ravaging appetite of the Zombie partisans, it is said that Wellington did say aloud, "If there be any god, may he aid us in our plight and lend us a hand to kill these Zombie bastards."
Part Three: The Second Coming
According to the few surviving eyewitnesses, Mt. Winchester, the tallest mountain in the world, then exploded in a thunderous eruption, unleashing a small brigade of hellish warriors, the reborn Killington at their lead. He preached of the word of the Rejenorst, and he muted all those who denied the power of Reje.
It went a little something like this After the zombie horde had been destroyed, Rejeington (for that was his new name) did appear before Wellington and he slapped him in the face for not supporting him when he was rightfully accused of his demonic nature.
Wellington and a few of their supporters were exiled to Elba, and Rejeington assumed the presidency of the British Empire.
Within a week, the zombies had been driven out of Belgium, and the Coalition, under the command of President Bicep Danger Rejeington, was marching through continental Europe with the ultimate goal of sieging Vienna.
The war was going well, the army of Rejeington used their Reje-given strength and tactics to crush the overwhelming numbers of the Austrian zombies.
During the liberation of France, the campaign took a tragic turn. 'Twas the Battle of Paris (the archaic name of the modern French capital of Rejeis), but just before it began, the exiled Wellington returned from his exile with a fresh and extremely large force of trained zombie warriors, under the banner of the false god; Blobmania, and flanked the honourable gentlemen of the Rejeistan Brits.
Artist’s representation In that battle, Rejeington personally slew both Wellington and Karl Philipp, but defeat was inevitable. The Austro-Anglo-Zombie forces won a pyrrhic victory that day, but the body of Rejeington was never found.
Begin Listening to this Now.
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TpPFoS_PCPc[/youtube]
However, in the new Austro-Anglo-Zombie Empire that mainland Europe became, there arose a number of rumours of a shadowy warrior, ambushing caravans and slaying Zombies, Russians, Britons, and French with impunity.
In darkly lit corners of taverns, and in the alleys where none can overhear, weary travelers talk of Him. “They should have acted” they say. “He’s already here, the Rejeistan scrolls told of His return.”
When children misbehave, their parents warn them of Him, for His defeat, was merely delay, of the time after Europe had fallen; after the Zombies of Austria would topple a civilization.
But no one wanted to believe, believe he even existed, and when the truth finally dawns, it dawns in fire. There is none He fears.
In the Austrian tongue, He is
'Canadian'.