Aw Waste I'm sorry to hear that. Recently I've gone through some shit myself personally.
Ever since I've taken a break from NW, my life picked up. And now it's gone to shit again.
I pretty much had a relationship burn, my first relationship of course. I chose to end it, it wasn't going anywhere. I just didn't feel safe or comfortable going on, she had cheated on me a couple weeks back and my feelings for her kinda died. I dunno why I gave her a second chance, but I mean it's not like she did anything bad to me again. Just gets so possessive, got upset when I didn't reply to "lolyes" or would make a small twitter joke to a friend (being a girl). But I mean this was kinda the least of my worries.
I had/have a friend I've known for five years and this whole girl thing has torn us apart. He'd lie to me and step on me to try and get to her, she ended up wanting me in the end but then she cheated on me with another guy (not even this friend, so..). I broke up with her last Monday and he immediately started pursuing a relationship with her and I got mad. He ended up taking things personal with ad hominem attacks against my personal beliefs (not going to post text chats because pretty sure FSE wouldn't be cool with that but he'd say "fuck you" to me and basically say I'm retarded for being an atheist and that as a human being I'm worthless). In the past he'd ask me about why I didn't believe in a god and thought I was deconverting him when I gave him my own thoughts on it and presented facts about evolution and carbon dating and the whole nine yards.
It's kinda funny too. You think you're really good friends with someone and then they shit on you over a girl. A month or so back he was suicidal over the same girl. He'd liked her for a very long time but her emotions were all over the place (kinda another reason why I decided not to continue with it, she would be flirty with lots of guys and lead them on and confuse everyone). He told me I had saved his life and that this girl couldn't give a shit less (she responded to him when all this was over "lol", idk if it's a coping method or what) but the main point was that I had to step in and tell him deep shit about me.
The past year I've gone through a maddening depression. Coming out of religion, I developed a "second internal conscious" if you will. I talk to myself to fill the void I once thought was God talking to me. Recently I've had the guts to actually step up to myself and admit I'm selectively bisexual, and in the past it's almost driven me to self harm. I came face to face with a razor once, and I'm telling you, that shit's scary. You have the overwhelming desire that pain is pleasure and all forms of pleasure is pain. Society rejects you and you take it out on yourself.
I had to tell him all these things about me to make him relate, he had a knife in his hand and was talking to me about "meeting his Creator" because she wouldn't be with him, instead she was with me at the time. Finally he broke down and put it away, but it was one of the scariest moments of my life.
But on top of all these things, I've still forgiven him. I've made my own mistakes, I realize that. He apologized the other day for saying mean things about my beliefs and me as a person. People like my good friends from NW in the past helped me through a lot of this. Jack Spears and Howe, namely. Just now I realize that some people aren't necessarily who you think they are. And that in the future I need to stay strong because, I'm telling you, this fucking place I live in. Tis but Hell.
So yeah, I remember the happy NW days lol.
