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Due to the loss of our great leader, President LaBelle, I have been sworn in as President of the Confederate States of America.
I pledge to you all that I will NOT suffer the same tragic fate as his excellency. I pledge to you that we will prevail through the most difficult of times, such as the one we are experiencing now.
I am announcing new legislation that will be in effect immediately.
No.1: All CSA Soldiers will receive new door handles.
No.2: All CSA Officers will receive two candles and a can of air.
No.3: All those who swear loyalty to me will be protected.
No.4: The Capitol has been moved to Miami.
We will make it through these turbulent times. LaBelle's memory shall be cherished, and his good deeds will not go unnoticed. Thank you for your support gentlemen.